1of1

Rollin'

2009-06-11T11:25:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow marks a milestone. My website went live last Friday. What is now hiphophopedealers.com has gotten positive feedback from the few friends and family who have viewed it and decided to respond. It's encouraging to hear good things about what your time and energy has gone into. I surprised myself with the courage to actually put it out there. To put myself out there for ridicule and potentially harsh feedback.

I'm going to continue working on it. In hopes to improve it every day. To make the site better and to make myself better. To provide people who visit my site with a dose of inspiration...eventually finding a place on a larger stage where the message can reach anyone ready and willing to hear what I have to say...

Peace

Building blocks

2009-06-06T09:20:00.000-04:00

This morning I received some pretty encouraging news. I'm working with an advisor for SCORE and he gave me an assignment to complete on tuesday. I turned the assignment in yesterday and today I received an email that said based on the presentation of my assignment I 'knocked it out of the park.' Now I understand the content of the assignment is what really matters but this retired entrepreneur just told me that I did a good job! I'm fucking charged! Hopefully the content is as good and I can build on this momentum.
Its amazing how we feel when we're encouraged. I'm ready for the next assignment. Even ready for him to tell me the content of the first assignment wasn't up to par...just so I can work to make it better and find out more information. Peace

If you're out there

2009-06-05T22:42:00.002-04:00

I'm hard at work on the website for my upcoming itunes application. I don't know much about creating or maintaining a website, but I've got a perspective that I felt needed to be communicated. I'm hopeful that people find it interesting and come back for my daily quotes.

I figure that the easiest way is to tell my family to visit, then post it on facebook. Once people visit, and leave comments or suggestions I can act accordingly.

Do I hope the response is beyond anything I could have imagined??? Hells yeah. Are my hopes up???? Not at all. After all, I'm just one man voicing his opinion in a world full of opinions. And people with much more skill and talent than myself, at creating websites and mobile applications, are out there making much more significant moves. I'm the underdog. And I love it....

Peace

Asking for help

2009-06-03T12:28:00.002-04:00

I've done what I think...what I hope is the right thing by asking for some help to get these ideas into motion. I reached out to SCORE, and thankfully received a return call. I've been given an assignment to complete and return to help the mentor guide us in the right direction. I'm excited. One regret throughout my life has been my reluctance to ask for help. Nothing wrong with it, but I always wanted to do everything on my own. This backfired on me more time than I care to remember.

Craige and I have an idea of what we want to happen. We believe in those ideas and have the confidence to make them happen. We just have to work hard and be smart. And have patience...everything will fall into place.

I'm grateful to my wife for the support she shows me. I've been unemployed for 2 months now, and not one time has she talked about what I should or could be doing. She understands that the ideas I have could potentially change our lives in a way no 9-5 could ever do. She's encouraged by the progress I've made and wants to see me happy and successful. I love her.

Peace

Biz delayed

2009-05-20T16:31:00.002-04:00

Our targeted start date has come and gone. We simply weren't ready...but we will be. If I can develop a business plan that works for us and get on task, we can start making money. Nothing to do but put in the work. The market is there, the idea is there. Our intentions are not to become a huge business but a springboard into other ventures that can also produce an income. Itunes apps, sneaker boutique, website, restaurant.
I've been listening to podcasts, reading books/magazines trying to get all of the information I can. Time to step out of my comfort zone and begin asking for help. I'll start with SCORE...to see what advice they can give me.

We need to find the right team!

Peace

biznaaaassss

2009-05-14T17:36:00.002-04:00

It's not quite the eve of a new chapter in my life. But close enough that it's all I can think about. A chapter that begins with me going to work in Dayton, to try and create a successful small business. A delivery service providing food delivery to the downtown Dayton area. This venture is being started by me and my best friend. Both from Dayton, we grew up together. Meeting when we were about 10 yrs old. We were in a bowling league together, then went to the same middle and high school.
This is an exciting time. The excitement of the unknown. The excitement over the possibilities. Excitement about the number of customers we can help enjoy their time downtown during their work/school days. The thought of being able to say that I am an entrepreneur!
Within the next month I want to have a grant proposal written to try and get Segway's. For use in deliveries. It would be crazy cool and great for the environment and business. I think it's a great opportunity, but we'll see about getting the grant. If not I'll have to go to plan B(cause I'd prefer to be environmentally conscious and my vehicles are a Chevy Tahoe and Lincoln LS...not the most fuel efficient)
How cool would it be to see Segways rolling around Downtown Dayton making deliveries to UD or Sinclair Community College...what about the Schuster Center?

Time and the work we put in will determine if we make it...

Peace

Look out for Who Delivers Dayton and visit us at www.whodeliversdayton.com

If you scared, say you scared

2009-04-19T12:01:00.002-04:00

Do people really believe that because President Obama is shaking hands and smiling with Chavez, that he's being pushed around? You're punks! Stop being scared of everything and everybody. When you can stand next to a man that has made unflattering comments about the US, shake hands with him and have a conversation that shows that you are a man. The answer to opposition isn't always war. Why can't the conservatives just say they're scared? They're scared to say it aloud, but every word they speak implicates them.

$14 dollar cheeseburger

2009-04-19T11:52:00.003-04:00

I'm watching the news and they are interviewing a few people in VA. Asking them about how President Obama has done thus far and how he's affected their lives. One man mentions the increase in the minimum wage could result in him having to pay more for his cheeseburger....dude, are you so selfish that spending more money for your cheeseburger is a sacrifice you would rather not make, even when the result is that your waiter/waitress is making more money for him/herself? WOW...
Goes without saying that this tool voted for McCain.

What a job

2009-04-14T08:23:00.002-04:00

It's been almost two weeks since I've been laid off, and I'm at the point where I'm beginning to enjoy it. Not having job to return to can take some getting used to, but I'm just about there and look forward to what's ahead. What's also been helpful is breaking down the financials with my wife. Understanding how our lives have to change and the sacrifices that are needed in order to live off one income for a little bit. Because we prepared ourselves mentally for the possibility of me being laid off, I think we are handling things pretty well. We are thankful for the things we do have and choose not to dwell on the things we don't have or may not be able to obtain in the immediate future. Life isn't about what you can buy...as much as our culture wants us to believe it is...it isn't. We don't have to be the ultimate consumer.

I'm learning quite a bit about myself during this time. Learning that my spirit is strong and despite the circumstances I'm choosing to remain positive and hopeful. Each day I become more comfortable with the idea of not returning to a 'regular' job. I'm enjoying doing things around the house. I'm enjoying making breakfast in the morning for my wife. Enjoying going to work out in the mornings and eating better(most days)...enjoying life.

Peace

In 20 yrs

2009-04-06T20:31:00.000-04:00

I hope that being laid off has been the best thing that could have happened to me, other than getting married.

Peace

Gainfully unemployed

2009-04-04T16:37:00.002-04:00

On May 2, 2009 I was laid off. From a job that I had come to hate. For an organization that was anything but a good fit for me. I had been praying for an out. An opportunity to do something that I can find happiness in.
That opportunity has now presented itself. What I do with the opportunity is up to me. I can remain conventional and seek another 9-5 or I can use my available time to chase my dream of becoming an entrepreneur. Do I have to balls to do it? Will the fear of the unknown keep me from taking the risk? Can I muster the strength to develop a plan that will lead me to achieving the success I hope for? Can I lead myself and others into believing in the possibilities and seizing the moment?

YES I CAN....

Peace

best and brightest

2009-03-18T21:16:00.000-04:00

Hey America, you've seemed to miss something along the way to masterfully bringing down our ecomomy...the people who you've determined to be the smartest, often times aren't. Sure, they probably graduated from a great school. Likely got excellent grades and scored high on every test. They are indeed educated, but they are still stupid!
I argue the point with my wife pretty often. She talks about people her company has hired that end up being completely unacceptable. Sure they said what they needed to say in the interview. Sure they made their resume shine but that doesn't and shouldn't mask the fact that they are stupid...

I get that there has to be some type of system in place to track who does well and who doesn't. A way to forecast who will do a good job and who wouldn't. But at the same time, shouldn't we be able to identify and foster those who are smart in a way not recognized by an institution? I love learning...hate sitting in a class. I didn't like the idea of memorizing information for a test, just for the test oppossed to being taught something so that I could learn and find my own understanding.

The best and brightest fucked shit up. Let the other guys have a crack at it...they're the ones who keep America going and generally get shit right.

Peace

fun and bitches

2009-02-22T17:53:00.000-05:00

Vegas baby! What a sight to see...the lights, the buildings, the people, the casino's and the women. My goodness the women are everywhere! All of them with their tits out. Looking for some shit to get into...wow.
That's not why I'm here though. My best friend got married yesterday. Joy and I missed the ceremony because of our whack ass cab driver, so we got there right after it was over. I can't believe he's married! I've known this dude for most of my life and can usually tell what's going on with him, but this was a shocker. He's happy though. And his wife seems like a really cool person(this is my second time meeting her). They seems to fit well together...
Last night, we missed the party. In addition to being here for the wedding its Craige's 30th bday...and we missed the party. We were too tired and broke. Plus I can never take the chance of running Joy too hard. The possible side effects aren't worth any party. I could tell she needed rest in order to be up for anything today, so we just laid in bed last night. I know its Vegas and we're supposed to be partying non stop but that's not an option for us.
We did party Friday night,which was cool and maybe we'll go out tonight?

Anyway, I'll surely be back. And next time with a lot more money!

Which way is up?

2009-02-17T20:34:00.002-05:00

Today I gave serious thought to quitting my job. Not only because I'm sick of it, but also because I have some ideas that I would love to spend more time developing. I thought about the possibility of spending my days in control of my time. Being able to work when inspiration hit. Being able to 'play' when inspiration wasn't there. Ideal world, right? I was quickly brought back down to earth by the realization that I'm not prepared to choose to live on one income. Could it be done, yes. Do all parties agree that the time to try is now? Hell NO!
So, I'm going to have to find a way to harness my inspiration during non work hours. It's been a hard thing for me to do, but there is no other option. I've got a gang of ideas written down on paper but fall short of bringing them to life. This could very well have alot to do with the fact that I haven't found a way to commit enough time to them, so it's up to me to find a way to give them some time.
If I want it bad enough, I'll find a way...I can't keep working 9-5, so the only other option is to make something shake and start living by my own rules.

wow

2009-01-20T21:42:00.002-05:00

My president is Black! Today, the world changed. Today my generation saw a leader they are behind and can believe in become the 44th president of the United States of America. He has us excited, hopeful, willing to serve, encouraged, motivated, compassionate, supportive, engaged, and ready to get to work in creating a society that is as it should be.
Viewing the events of the day on TV has been amazing. Seeing all of the people. Watching President Obama take the oath of office. Looking at Mrs. Obama, the children....a black family going into the White House...
We have a leader! Obama will lead US. He will lead the U.S. but he will lead US also. For four years at least, but his influence will shape the country and the world forever! We will not go back to the political figures of the past. We will not accept a leader who does not seek to include all of us in the progress of this country. We will no longer accept a leader who is unwilling to listen to different views/ideas. No longer will we elect a person who lacks compassion and character. No more polarizing figures. No more leaders who are not of the people.
Obama has taken the first official step in shinning his light on the world...and we are so ready for some light!

No other option than for me to do big things....the impossible is possible!

AFC North

2009-01-18T21:41:00.000-05:00

As a fan of the Cleveland Browns it pains me to watch the Steelers and especially the Ravens, play in this conference championship game. However, I remain hopeful. That our new coach can bring in a new vision and understanding of what needs to be done to make the Browns a winner. Update our uniform, have a good...make that great draft, sign some quality free agents and beat the fucking Steelers and Ravens in 09!

Who's in charge

2009-01-13T22:13:00.000-05:00

I've come to realize that its okay to question people in power. It's okay to ask them questions because they not only have a responsibility to provide an answer, they also need to know that someone is holding them accountable. I've always been reluctant to ask questions. Not sure why, but that's how its been.
Anyway, going forward especially during my remaining time working for the county, I'm going to ask questions! Who, what, when, where, why. Somebody has to be made aware that shit aint working out right. Shit sucks actually. And its possible that people in leadership positions just don't know...we can't expect them to know everything. Nothing says that just because I'm not in management I don't have worth while ideas. Ideas that deserve considerationan even implementation.
They are going to know who I am by the time I leave...cause I'm going to start calling out everyone and letting them know they need to be held accountable.

Thankfully unthankful

2008-12-16T13:51:00.002-05:00

I find it funny....and at the same time, upsetting, that I'm stuck in a job that I don't like. During a time when finding another job is virtually impossible. I'm employed with my counties local government. Hit by lay-offs while trying to assist the growing number of people who need assistance. Morale is low, nobody is motivated to do anything 1) because they don't know if their job is next to be cut 2) they know that no matter how good a job they do, there won't be any type of reward 3) they are being asked to do more than they have ever been asked to do, but haven't been giving the direction on how the tasks at hand can possibly by accomplished.
There has been an endless stream of conversations about those who have lost their jobs, not too many on the people who are still working but are miserable at their jobs and can't find new one's.

Don't confuse me, I'm thankful to still be employed. That doesn't mean that I have to enjoy what I do.

My only wish is that I had an opportunity to find employment elsewhere. Doing something that I at least could find some fulfillment in....

Tomorrow means what

2008-11-12T21:32:00.002-05:00

Today, our lame ass administration began the task of reducing the budget(i.e. laying people off). We received an email this morning, suggesting that today would be the beginning of the layoffs. They didn't tell us who, just that bad news was coming....for someone. Cuts are going to go well into December. So, until the beginning of the year I'll be more uncomfortable at work than I have been. I have no idea if I'll be laid off. No clue. So everyday I'm expected to get up, go into work and act like the place isn't crumbling around me.
How do you work with knowing that you might not have a job tomorrow? That's a question I can't answer. What I can do. What I will do, is look for another job. Something that could potentially sustain me until I'm in the position to open up the sneaker boutique. Something that I won't miss when we move....
This financial crisis is exposing the inadequate leadership of soo many companies, states, cities, counties. The reality is that many of the people we have entrusted our leadership in have failed us. Part of this is our fault. Our fault for not asking more questions and demanding more answers. Not demanding accountability. And because we didn't require that someone be accountable, now we all are.
Here in Ohio. Seems like our leaders have only done a good job of one thing. Keeping us behind the 8-ball. We're never ahead of the curve. Never innovative. Never leader of the pack.

At the county, we have no idea what the plan is after all these job cuts. Nobody can tell me what positives we plan on bringing about in the midst of this troublesome time. Nobody knows what's next. How do we do the work with less people? What will we be asking from employees, going forward? How will we keep them happy? How will we provide service? How will service improve? How will we innovate? How will we retain quality employees? How will we attract needed employees? What responsibilities will the customer be asked to increase? What will we stop doing harder and do smarter? How will our leaders lead? What will the employees get for their work? How will we be rewarded? When do things improve? What happens when they do improve? What if things don't improve? When will we use technology to our advantage? When will we start doing business like a business?

You don't matter anymore

2008-11-05T20:57:00.002-05:00

I watched a bit of The O'Reilly Factor today. Only to hear from Mr. O'Reilly and his fans, how they are feeling. The overwhelming sentiment was that Mr. O'Reilly and his viewers are fearful. He used the word, fear, multiple times during my brief viewing. Asking his guest, Karl Rove, if he was scared of President-elect Barack Obama. O'Reilly expressed that listeners to his radio show were fearful of an Obama presidency.

Fear, Mr. O'Reilly? Really?

You're fearful, when the new majority is exuberant, excited, encouraged, hopeful, thankful, supportive and unbelievably joyous!

Mr. O'Reilly how does fear feel to you?

Bill, welcome to the world of the minority. Welcome to a place where the majority doesn't think you matter. A majority rule that has not adequately provided health care to all. A majority rule that has done a horrible job of educating the youth. A majority who has dropped the ball on the economy, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, energy independence and healthcare. A majority that pays all of it's non-white males a lesser wage for the same work. A majority that sat back and watched as Katrina destroyed the lives of so many.

The list of the ill's the old majority is responsible for is without end. So, I will not mention any other.

Mr. O'Reilly, if you are scared. Welcome to the feeling that all minorities have felt, while people who share your ideas have controlled this country.

Your time is over. Your ideas don't rule anymore.

Lets rock

2008-11-05T01:00:00.003-05:00

Barack Obama was elected President of the USA. I don't know if I fully understand what that sentence even means right now. A Black Man, has been elected to the highest position in the world. I never thought I would see the day. I'm overwhelmed with joy and inspiration. This is hard to digest....
As a Black Man, watching another Black Man, I've witnessed an incredible event. I was able to watch with my family and share in the joys of us all. From Ian and Erin, to Bridget's mother and grandmother.

I'm so excited....and sleepy I can't focus. And I've had a few beers while waiting and celebrating....

Crazy lady

2008-10-29T01:30:00.002-04:00

So, some chick just rolls up to my neighbors house and starts smashing the shit out of his truck. Hitting it with a bat or 2x4 or something. He comes out, they argue a bit, she leaves, he goes back in the house. She comes back, hits the car a few more times, leaves again. She comes back, leaves. Comes back one more time and takes a couple more swings at the truck, but my neighbor didn't come back out? WTF?????

Upside down

2008-10-29T01:02:00.004-04:00

Things done changed. It's 2008 and we've found ourselves behind. Going backwards, in the totally wrong direction. War is an issue. Energy is an issue. Employment is an issue. Housing is an issue. Money is an issue. The conservative, conventional ideas that has, for the most part, guided us to this point. Those conservative, conventional ideas have to be shelved, in place of some new, innovative, maybe not so conservative ones.
The country was supposed to be left to me in a better place than how it was inherited by past generations. It's a rule that we leave things better than we found them. It's just what your parents teach you at a very early age.
Did my elders give a shit about how they left the country for me? What happened in the 60's, 70's, 80's, 90's that may have contributed to our current position? Did anyone during these times think about what my America might look like? I know that they did, it's just impossible to forecast what changes that your generation is responsible for will have an impact on future generations.
Unfortunately, we don't have a crystal ball to see into the future. It would make things easier(I guess), but we'll have to do without it.

Lay-offs have been proposed at work. We don't know who or when is going to be lay ed off, but we know it's coming. This is an uncomfortable place to be. Not something I want to stick around to be a part off. Working on my resume. Trying to find something more suitable for me. More stable(if that's even an option), less stressful....we'll see what happens.

Funny thing about these crazy times is that we have a Black man on the verge of becoming the next President of the United States. Crazy. Who would have thought? Certainly not me. Like Chris Rock said, 'Bush fucked up so bad, he made it hard for white men to run for President'....I am hopeful the Sen. Obama wins the election and am ready and willing to help him become the best President ever! We, as a country, must support him and allow the positive, innovative, cooperative ideas shine through and move us forward. In a decent, respectable way.

4:45

2008-08-26T17:58:00.002-04:00

I work from 8-4:45. Generally can't wait until 4:45. I pray for 4:45. Today was no different, however something did dawn on me....my attitude is shit when I get off work. My whole world view has a negative spin on it. I exit work wondering how the hell I'm going to maneuver myself into doing something else with my life. Wondering what the fuck our administration is doing. Wondering how the hell we ended up in such an adverse situation. I leave work bitter. Upset that things aren't being done. That decisions are being made that make no sense. That there is no accountability. Upset that there is no light at the end of the tunnel.
We're being asked to do more with less, like I'm sure many other places are. The difference, I hope, is that other places of employment has management that has a clue about what is going on.

Excuse me miss

2008-08-18T19:33:00.002-04:00

....but you is a BITCH! And I don't apologize. I just witnessed you yell at your child for no reason. I watched you look an absolute mess. I witnessed your friend also look a mess, and yell at her child for no reason, via cellphone. I witnessed you allow your child...no instruct your child to piss in the parking lot of a grocery store. Not your grocery store. A grocery store you just gave your money to. So, you give money to this business & also piss on it? And when the store begins to look like you've been pissing on it, your stank ass complains.
Yeah, I've pissed outside before. Behind some bushes, behind a building...when it was fucking necessary! And my momma certainly didn't instruct me to do so, and if she did she also instructed me that doing that shit was totally unacceptable. Anyway....

Why do you think this behavior is okay? Wait, don't answer. Let me ask you in a different way.

Hey BITCH, what the fuck is yo stupid ass doing? You dumb BITCH, you don't let this little boy piss outside in the grocery store parking lot & you don't yell & cuss at him. He is a child. You need to teach him to be better than you. To do better than you. And because of you he should be given an opportunity to be better. But yo stupid ass don't understand. Don't be mad at your son. He ain't mad at you, and he has every right to be! He should be pissed at you....wait he might grow up and be pissed, and exhibit some fucked up behavior in his relationships with other women. BITCH you stupid!

What is we gon do?

2008-07-19T00:14:00.002-04:00

Will we stand up for change? Will we ask of ourselves, what we ask of Sen. Obama? Will we choose to be held accountable? Will we be understanding of one another? Will we respect one another? Will we communicate? Will we work towards solutions? Will we embrace the significance of now, and allow this optimistic feeling in the air to inspire us to become better? Smarter, funnier, more considerate, patient, honest, understanding, thoughtful, stern, healthy, compassionate, playful...

Can we as people agree that we can do better and choose to chart a course that we agree is the best way to get us there?

You can do it too

2008-07-09T21:40:00.003-04:00

I'm back at it! Well, I never really left but there was about a month where I wasn't really focused on my grand idea of opening the sneaker boutique. The rigors of my current job has run me back into the arms of my dream. Fuck working for the county. It blows. Sooooo, gotta get my store off the ground and get shit poppin. Talked to both my partners and Craige says he's still in. Kiesha, I'm a little unsure about. She has some things going on that may force her to be unable to participate? We'll see what happens. At any rate, I'm moving forward.

Got online real quick and came across a wealth of information. Important information that I had been trying to wind. Today, I found it in bundles! Too much for me to even get to in one evening. I'm looking forward to looking further into things and finding out as much as I can.

Saw some stores that I can pull ideas from, got some labels that I could carry, looked at what the normal store hours are(can you say 12-7 Mon-Sat) sounds golden doesn't it? I would wake up with the biggest smile everyday I can go open up my store or go to do something for the benefit of my store. And I look forward to the work, if it means that I'm responsible for me and I'm calling the shots.

Think about it. 12-7 would be almost perfect. If/when Joy and I have a kid, I can stay with him for most of the morning, so our daycare costs could potentially be cheaper than if we had the kid at daycare all day. Joy will love the idea that my idea could save money...lol.

Oh, and I submitted my idea about a calendar to some websites, so maybe if that idea gets off the ground opening the store will be much easier cause I'll have another stream of income.

'If you believe, than you achieve. Just look at me'-Tupac

Peace

What's happenin, now

2008-06-27T22:57:00.002-04:00

I think I've figured out what's going on in a majority of american's. They have whole heartily attached themselves to an idea that we can be better. Individually and collectively. The idea that we should try looking out for our neighbors and help each other out along the way. We realize that the ways in which we have been operating in the past is not working right now. We realize that the more ideas we present, for the solutions we need, the better. Lets listen to pretty much everything and make a good fucking decision for the MAJORITY of people(we are the majority now) We are intrigued by the idea of what we could possibly do TOGETHER. Although we still lack the confidence to address our ism issues, I think we are moving in a direction that will make us reconsider things....everything.
And to those that are no in the MINORITY....fuck you! You've had your turn. It's are turn and get used to it cause we young! We smart. And cause of your fuck ups, we know better. Watch us do better.....
And you know what one of the best things is....our son's and daughter's will now have a true belief that they can be and do ANYTHING.

Word up

Think, just think.....

2008-06-19T22:37:00.003-04:00

Recently, I've been following politics much more intently than at any other time in my life. One, because of the obvious. Two, because as I age it's interesting to listen to other adults voice their opinions and laugh at how unbelievably unreasonable many peoples voices actually are. Republican, Democrat, Independent, Conservative, Liberal....doesn't matter. Too many of these political people seem to either really not have a clue or just flat out don't fucking care. And by care, I mean they don't CARE. Not about the things that really matter, like educating our children(and adults), creating a safe environment for everyone, establishing equal opportunities to each and every human being, or working towards a common goal that helps more people to achieve a significant level of happiness as opposed to feeling left out of the 'good life', not about providing opportunities and positive life experiences, not about sharing in the wealth that is America.
As a kid, I wanted to be successful. To have money, a house, a car....etc. But what I also wanted was for all of my friends and people I knew to have those things.
Why does the majority seem so selfish? What is it about the condition of poor, disadvantaged people they don't understand? If it's understood that an education is the key to success, but the schools that provide the education to those that are poor and disadvantaged are known to be fucked up then what does the majority suppose those people do? And what about when those that are poor and disadvantaged propel themselves enough to be in a position to enter higher education? They are generally burdened with an absurd amount of debt just to attend. And say those folks don't crumble under the mountain of debt and make it out of that institution of higher education. What then? They become employed and receive pay at a lesser rate than their majority co-workers because those that are poor and disadvantaged happen to be minorities(black, brown, women).
And I'm not saying that this scenario is the rule for all poor, disadvantaged people but the point is that in America it shouldn't be the rule for anyone. And if definitely should be understood by the majority as being fucked up and addressed in a real and honest way......

And think....now there is actually a politician willing to do something about this shit! How do you not support Obama? Go ahead just say it....cause he's Black. Say it! I'll respect you more if you just admit it. Stop hiding behind the bullshit rhetoric and say that you can't vote for a Black man. Cause ain't no fucking way that anybody with half a brain would vote for John McCain. No way.

So stop talking about his wife, stop talking about his youth or inexperience, quit talking about where he came from, what his old pastor said and just come out and say it.....you sorry, scared punks! Say you won't vote for him cause he's a brotha! It's better than saying you think McCain's vision is better.

Peace

Daydreaming and I'm thinking of you

2008-06-13T00:07:00.002-04:00

Today we received some good news. In about 12 weeks we can begin to try and have a baby. Up until this point we hadn't been able to even think about it because Joy was taking medicine that would have had detrimental affects on a baby, so we couldn't chance it. She's doing so well now that that medication can be substituted. While continuing to keep her healthy, this other medication she can take while pregnant. Wonderful news! We are very excited about the possibilities. About knowing our day for children is coming. For a while, it seemed like it may not come. We weren't necessarily ready for kids, but having the option to is comforting.
We may not even get pregnant right away, but I plan to have loads of fun trying!
Funny though....I'm already thinking about money and time off from work, about following thru with my dream of opening the sneaker boutique. Thinking about moving to a better place for us to raise a child....a more progressive city. Better schools, friendlier more diverse people. More things to do. More things for a child to see. Maybe when I put it in those terms to Joy she'll give the idea more thought. But that's down the road....

In the near future the goal is to get into much better shape! I know that because of her Lupus the pregnancy will be difficult with some possible bumps in the road. I want to be physically prepared to deal with those things as they arise. Physically prepared and more healthy to stand up to the demands of pregnancy and a new born baby.
I need to get into the groove in the next 3 months. Really get into the swing of working out and eating better. Hopefully I can stay focused and motivated and reach my goal.
Also in the near future I must continue to spend time creating a business plan for the store and following thru to make it a reality. I have the work ethic, I can grasp the details regarding running a successful store, I have the ideas, the vision. I got it...just need the right peoples help and the right location where I can thrive.

I could possibly have a pregnant wife in 3 months....wow. That shit is MAJOR! Me with a kid....wow. Pretty unbelievable shit...

I wouldn't mind it taking a little bit to get her pregnant....why not enjoy trying for awhile.

Peace

Fool you better come on in

2008-06-03T23:04:00.002-04:00

Today, I've witnessed a Black man in America become a nominee for president of the United States. Really! Something that I have never ever ever thought I would see. Didn't even think my children would see. I'm thankful tonight. Thankful that God has blessed us with Mr. Obama's presence. His encouragement and enthusiasm. His vision and hopefulness. His vision for the progress of this country. I can look at my father as a man that came of age in the civil rights era, and he can look at me and we can embrace in the glory of seeing someone that looks like us in a position to be the HNIC!
I'm hopeful that Black people are allowed to celebrate this monumental moment. Able to bask in the glory of seeing someone who looks and talks like us in a position of power. Are we allowed to celebrate? How about, I don't give a fuck if they think it's appropriate to celebrate, cause that's what we are going to do! Stand up! Stick your chest out! Hold your head up and be proud! We can do ANYTHING, and if we support Mr. Obama in his vision we will see this country flourish. Education, energy, economy, diplomacy. We can change the world if we ALL are willing to do something. Stand up and be accountable for yourself, your children, your family, your community. Lean on one another so that we all can stand!

This moment is unbelievable......

Too tall

2008-05-06T22:17:00.001-04:00

My grass in the back yard was up to my knee. No lie. My yard looked a mess, so I had to spend my day off cutting the grass. I split it up into a morning and afternoon effort. A workout non the less. I had to fight with the mower to get on of the wheels to its highest point. Self propel is broken in the same wheel. I'm getting a new lawn mower soon.

I think I'm going to call around to see about getting a landscaper to come out and see what can be done with my yard. It's not what I want. Not yet a yard I can go out and play in.

Peace

frisco first timer

2008-05-06T21:33:00.002-04:00

I'm going going back back to Cali Cali-Biggie Smalls
Yo, for a kid from the Midwest to go out to the west coast for a couple days is a great experience. The west coast is cool...much of it still perceived, but what I did experienced was cool. Frisco was a bit chilly, glad I took my jacket. The buildings were beautiful. It was generally pretty clean, there were a seaming majority of Asians in the downtown area where we stayed...'Chinatown'
That in itself was cool to see. The financial district, where the hotel was in Downtown San Francisco was I think on the boarder of what is considered 'Chinatown'. Because, along with the Asian/Chinese population there were a large amount of what looked to be pretty well off people. However that population did not exceed that of the working class folks, tourists, poor or homeless people.
There were not many Black folks! Joy and I are like, 'where are all the Black folks'. As a visitor, you want to see where the people who look like you live, in the city you're visiting. Observe how they act, what their differences and similarities are. Unfortunately we didn't get to see much of that. Most of the spots we hit just didn't have many of us around and if it did, we weren't in an environment to really talk to them long enough to determine the differences/similarities.
Took a trip to Napa Valley that was beyond anything I could have imagined. The vinyards are so fucking sweet! These beautiful buildings that house the wine. Or house the wine and the machinery that makes the wine and puts it into the bottles and a gift shop area and a little patio area with a full bar/lounge type area under a canopy with beautiful flowers and a view of the grapes growing. Man, that shit was tight! I wish I had taken more pictures...I want to go back, soon!
The trip to Napa Valley was with a group of middle aged women in a literary group, in San Fran for a conference. Joy's mother is a member(we went with them, they invited us. Paid for the plane ticket and hotel...sweet)
So the long bus ride was spent full of women. Virtually most of them carrying on a conversation. Me and Mr. Kyles were the only men.
It was kind of uncomfortable for me to be around alot of women who I presumed to be much like my mother in law, and since this was my perception I chose not to really engage anyone in a conversation because I told myself I would not be interested in what they had to say nor how they said it. Surely, I missed out on some great convo.
We also took a Segway tour of some of Frisco. Them damn Segway's are the best thing going. I want to do the Segway tour in every city! It's the best way to see the city. You want to walk around, but you can't walk everywhere. This thing pretty much transports you around at about a 5mph, and can maneuver incredibly! So you are checking out the city from inside, riding around on these sweet ass machines. I could have rode all day.
We went to fisherman's wharf, saw the Golden Gate Bridge, went up to North Sore. Learned alot I didn't know about the city. Ate at one of the best steak restaurants in San Fran at it was worth the hype! Food was fantastic. A little bougie, and expensive but good as hell. We got it for free cause we listen to this time share crap for about 90 minute(I do want a time share, just can't do it right now)
Of course we carved out time for shopping. We took two hour long trips. One to a mall another to a outlet mall. The outlet was nice, got a two pairs of shoes. Joy got some shoes and a sweet purse. I got a couple hats from the mall. Oh, we stopped into a boutique...that I suggested, and Joy got some really nice things. Shit you won't see in Ohio. Can't wait for her to wear the things she bought.
The trip even ended great with, The Great Debaters as the in flight movie. Wonderful....I will see to it that I get back to San Francisco. Much more to see. Many more people to get to know.

Makes you really appreciate how lame Cincinnati is...I'm going to get out of here one day. It's not the place for me.

Peace

Business trip

2008-04-13T09:02:00.003-04:00

Kiesha, Craige and I took a drive up to Columbus yesterday to check out these two sneaker boutiques on the O. State campus. It was a cool experience. I have to find a way for Kiesha and Craige to get more comfortable around each other, but I think it will come with time. We are all connected by friendship which I think can take us anywhere we choose.
We get to the first spot and it's pretty much what I expected. Some shit I've never seen before, in a pretty cool environment. I got a chance to introduce myself to the owner and talk to him for a second. I got his business card, so I'll be emailing him to see if I can spark a working relationship. Hopefully get some useful information from him. I'll be in Dayton, so I won't really be his competition...don't see why he wouldn't be willing to help?
So, we leave the first stop and are encouraged by what we saw and really feel like we can certainly pull something like that off. No doubt!

The mistake of the day was walking to the second spot. We went from the 700 block to the 1500 block of High St. in Columbus....that was a long fucking walk! Plus it was cold, and the second store wasn't even worth the walk. And when we got back to the car, Kiesha had a ticket! Didn't know you had to pay on Saturdays....

Our store is coming soon...and kids will be looking to us for their inspiration and motivation. Damn, it feels good just thinking about it!

Johnny be good

2008-04-13T08:39:00.002-04:00

Kanye said it best....'how he stay faithful in a room full of ho's'
Friday night we went out to a club for an Urban League event. It was for my brothers completion of a leadership development training. Anyway....we are out at this club, downtown Cincinnati and the women are coming in at an alarming rate. Tall, short, thick, skinny, little asses, big asses, weaves, natural hair. Any type you wanted was at this event, and I'm there with my wife. So, obviously I can't do anything but look and even that was a chore. Know it should be noted that my wife was shutting most of these women down. She looked HOT. But a man can't discount that feeling you get when you see a 'new' HOT women. It's like 'damn, wouldn't it be nice to go over and talk to her'. To see what was up with her, hell even to see if you could take her home. There were definitely some women there that I would have attempted to talk to had I not been married. Several numbers would have been exchanged...no doubt!
I hadn't been out in Cincinnati in a while, and this is one of the reasons. If I go out without my wife then what happens? Do I have to just sit at the bar and not talk to anyone? Am I allowed to dance with another woman? If she's beautiful, smart, funny and we get along I just have to leave her there...why can't I know this woman?

I'm not too sure if any of the woman at the party were checking me out, wifey was close by most of the time. Not sure if any of them notice me looking either. But I was. Ummm ummm ummm, women are something else. A beautiful black woman...shit, you can't get any better than that!
I say all this to say, that I was on good behavior. And have been. I might not agree with all of the rules of relationships and marriage, but I understand that I have to play by the rules. So that's what I'm doing.

Just don't catch me out without my wife.....

Peace

Big kid

2008-04-08T20:38:00.002-04:00

Today was a lovely day. Spring is in the air, and I can feel it. It's like a rebirth. They say that hope springs eternal don't they? Well, I think it does....
Anyway, I went to the park for a walk. For the exercise more than anything seeing that I've got this big ol belly that I want to get rid of. I'll get to that later. Something struck me while I was at the park. I want to be a kid again. Kids were all over the place. Playing basketball, baseball, soccer. Some of the little ones were playing on the swings and monkey bars....what wonderful times those were. Somewhere along the way we allow ourselves to get too serious about stuff. We stop having fun. Real fun! Play all day fun. Yeah, responsibilities have to be tended to but, we have to learn how to get back to playing and enjoying life. Position ourselves in a way that allows us to have fun and enjoy our time here. We are consumed with work and money and everything else besides enjoyment.
My mother used to always tell me about how things would be when I grew up and I always questioned what she was doing to make her feel the way she did. I knew that I didn't want my life to be all about work. I didn't want to come home worn out from work every single day. I didn't want to stress about bills. About where money was going to come from to pay for this or that. At an early age I had the feeling that to a large extent we have control over what's going on in our lives.

After seeing the kids playing today, I'm committed to spending a significant portion of my life playing. Having fun. Simply enjoying life.

And losing this fucking belly!

Peace

2008-04-06T19:26:00.002-04:00

I was reading the news, particularly an article about the economy and another possible stimulus package. One that will professedly send some money towards the country's foundation. How some people are for it or against it for whatever their reasons may be. And I think to myself that if the people who had wealth and money just shared some of what they have the masses would be so much better off and our country would be stronger than ever. People complain about having to pay taxes to pay for things, but to me thats out of greed and an idea that what I have is mine and everyone else needs to get they own shit. And that is true, and agree with that sometimes but I realize the great need by so many people, cities, businesses, schools, parks, public transportation, streets. Every segment of our country is in need of help...except the cities, businesses, schools, parks....where the wealthy people dwell. How is it that we know this and accept it as ok. It's not ok. It's not cool for someone to make upwards of 10 million dollars a year and have such a strong desire to keep all of that wealth to themselves. I agree that everyone should have the opportunity to make upwards of 10 million dollars a year, but I have a greater wish. That those people felt an obligation to give back to their communities...to their country(if you love it so much.) Didn't everyone get taught to share when they were young, certainly if you had siblings. Most of our problems in this country if people would just share and establish a culture of sharing so that our youth would become accustomed to it and emulate us. Cause let me tell you, I go to a county government building everyday to work, and whatever tax dollars we are being allot ed is not enough. Whatever money they are using to fix the roads, is not enough. Whatever they are using to fund our public school....NOT ENOUGH! The people in the world who care the most about money don't understand that they have an obligation to their country to help support it, as it has him/her so that they were able to obtain wealth. Damn, don't that shit makes sense? Or am I trippin? Share you fucks!

Peace

Oh, snap!

2008-03-25T23:49:00.002-04:00

Reading is fundamental....I came across something that I really needed to see this evening while looking for some information to share with my business partner, Kiesha. So, I'm looking through several web sites, getting some information here and there. Then I hit the jackpot! The jackpot for what I needed...it was an article with a q&a with some sneaker boutique owner. Just regular cats answering some basic questions like regular cats. Not so formal and in words and or actions that I could DIRECTLY relate to. Not something out of a book, but real life experiences. Yeah, do this. No don't do that. Maybe try this and see how it works for you. But the underlying and undeniable message was to follow your dreams! Do what the fuck you want to do and do it well. Shit is going to be some work, but it's okay when you are working for yourself! There is alot of things you wouldn't do for you boss. Nothing you wouldn't do for yourself.....WOW!

I gotta do this. I gotta go get some of this money. I gotta spend my time working doing something I love.

'firm disbeliever in your punch clock logic'-Lupe Fiasco

Peace

You can't be serious

2008-03-13T16:31:00.000-04:00

On the Friday before Christmas, the lovely agency I work for confirmed that employees such as myself would not receive a raise or bonus this year because of the county's inability to manage money. We knew it was coming, but the official notice right before Christmas was a blow to the gut. But, life goes on. And you keep working cause that's what you have to do in order to provide, right?
Well, in all this my assumption was that a raise for any county employee in any department would be put on hold. I know that HCJFS is looked at as the scum of the earth, but we provide services for this communities most needy people....anyway, the fact that we wouldn't be getting fair compensation for what we do came as no surprise.
Then comes today....and wouldn't you know it. The director of our lovely agency has received a pay increase of close to 50%. Yes, 50%. She now makes $145k a year. Now under normal circumstance I would applaud this. Not right now. Not when your employee's have been told to continue doing what you're doing and hopefully in the next year or so you might be compinsated. How do you, as the director, even accept a pay increase when the county can't provide it to the people that make this ship run? Leaders in my estimation lead by example. They lead side by side with their men and women. This is a slap in the face of all of HCJFS employees. A blatent backhand of disrespect and unjustifiable!
Whatever her salary might have been prior, or how it compared to other agency directors is none of my concern. The bottom line is that she has chosen to accept something that the rest of us were prohibited from. Fuck her, this city, this county and this state. I hate OHIO and I hate working for someone else. This simply fuels my fire even more to go out here and make something for myself. A place where I can treat people with respect and not insult them by fattening my pockets while they are left out in the cold......

Peace

Take your time and hurry up

2008-03-10T00:05:00.002-04:00

It's time to create a course of action concerning the business. We've been reading and trying to find out information...do research, but I think we need to become more guided. More detailed. I plan on meeting with Kiesha this weekend to talk about our progress, by then I should be able to create a list of things we need to due & by when. We need deadlines. If I don't have a deadline(and even when I do) I tend to procrastinate. Not this time! Not with this! I'm putting shit in motion on this, while the fire is starting. I will not let the fire dim, but continue to feed it until it is at it's hottest. And then maintain it so that it burns forever. This is it. Something for me. Something that I want. Unrelated to the wants/needs/ideas of anyone else. It shall be my triumph or failure. Each of which life will present to me. My current mind state is such that I'm no longer afraid to fail. Because not knowing is far worse than failure. I may have failures during the process of opening a business, as a matter of fact, I am certain that I will have failures during this process. But I am not afraid. I am looking forward to them. Looking forward to learning. To building. To creating something that will be a source of love, peace and happiness(MONEY TOO.)
Starting tomorrow, I will be going to the library to get work done. If I come home, I won't do it. I will put it aside for tomorrow. TOMORROW IS TODAY! I realize that working at this, in some way, everyday if what is going to be needed. This will become my second full time job. I must take advantage of the motivation that GOD has sent to me in the form of Kiesha. She has inspired me to dream. To believe that this store could become a real possibility. A possibility to do something I love, with someone whom I am certain has my best interest in mind, is equally passionate, and is a fantastic friend.
Spend some time on something everyday. Everyday do something for yourself. Keep working....

Peace

When is it too good?

2008-03-03T15:12:00.000-05:00

Have you ever been in a position where you feel like things are too good to be true? It's a pretty uncomfortable place to be in. We are trained to believe that things can never get too good. Well, maybe we all aren't trained like that but I was. Always be on the lookout for the storm coming. What if the storm isn't coming? What if the place that you've made for yourself is as calm and peaceful as can be? Not realistic, but it sure does sound good.
It difficult to think that I could be in a position where everything is golden. Hard to imagine, which is partly why I'm trying to talk myself through it. Thinking through the possibilities is mind boggling.

Funny feeling

2008-02-28T14:16:00.000-05:00

I had lunch with some friends today....former co-workers, who happen to be white females. While it's enjoyable when we get to hang out, I found myself a bit uncomfortable when we began talking about politics. And we weren't even really talking about it, just a mention about a text message I had sent when Mrs. Obama was in town. Neither was interested. Actually voting for Hillary Clinton. So my uncomfort comes when I feel like people aren't supporting Barack because he's Black. Now I know that this is the case in many instances, but when you get the feeling from people you know it's difficult. And it could just be me? But honestly, I don't see how you couldn't support the man.
So, for now I'll keep my feelings in check and just hope that people aren't voting for Obama for any other reason than his race. And try to stop feeling weird when people have other opinions.

Peace.

Working late

2008-02-27T17:10:00.002-05:00

Occasionally I have to work late. Till 7 on Wednesdays and some Saturdays from 8-12. It sucks. I already devote too much time to this place. People in general give too much of themselves to their employers. And what do we get in return but a big fucking headache....another reason I want to become an entrepreneur. At least then I'd be the cause of my own headache!
So, on the nights I have to work late I'm supposed to be anwering calls. Phone hardly ever rings and if it does, I can't do anything cause the customers worker probably got off at 445. How much sense does that make? People call in, complain and I tell them that I'll send something out for the worker or supervisor to look at in the morning...they subsequently ask why the hell I'm answering the phone this late if I can't help. Hey, I wonder the same thing.
I'm usually spending the time reading or trying not to play on the internet. Nobody's here for me to talk to, not that I really talk to my co-workers much anyway....

Anyway, work is work. It provides me with a way to make a living. I get no joy from performing my job duties. No joy in waking up in the morning to come into the office and listen to complaints all day. It's brutal, but it's what I have to do until I become that entrepreneur!

Peace

Biz 101

2008-02-26T23:10:00.002-05:00

I need a crash course! I'm reading books and doing research and learning a lot along the way. I'm encouraged everyday and sometime discouraged. I'm encouraged that I have a business partner who has a shared vision and is willing to work towards our common goal. I am encouraged that I have the intelligence to create and profitably run a retail business. Discouraged sometimes just because thats how I am.
The one thing that I am not going to do is stop working towards my goal of opening this store. If I fail, that's okay. But I am going to try my damnedest to be successful. Slowly but surely a business plan will be in place and we can begin the process of getting the money necessary to do the damn thang!
I'm about to get it poppin!

Peace

Ohio Obama

2008-02-26T22:45:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, I witnessed with my own eyes the first Black president of the US. Senator Obama was a wonderful sight to see. At 5/3 Arena on the UC campus. Got in the line about 1145 and didn't get into the place until about 2. It was cooooooold. Amazing to see all these different type of folks out in the cold waiting to see a Black man. The arena was pack. PACKED. Unbelievable. This Black man...young, brilliant, motivating and has a fucking clue about what's going on in the world. Has sense enough to understand the things that have been successful and the things that need to change. And yes he is hopeful, but being hopeful is essential and of utmost important in life....duh! He makes me hopeful that my future children can become president. Hopeful that people who look, walk, talk like me get a fair chance in this country(and world.) Hopeful that people who need help get help. Hopeful that my future children will be able to go to school without inheriting $40k worth of college loans to repay. I'm hopeful that my child will be educated in the best possible way, in a public school.

I am hopeful that I have the courage, strength, support, patience, understanding, perseverance, and motivation to open a sneaker shop. A little place that I created, selling stuff that I would buy if it was available to me. Top of the line, exclusive sneakers. Hats, belts, shirts, purses, women's shoe & sneakers, books, music. A place that I can hopefully create wealth for me and my family. Where I can give back to my community. A place I can leave my children.

The dicks that say hope doesn't matter, have never had reason to be hopeful. Never been in a position where hope played a factor in their lives. Not hopeful they would get a decent education. Not hopeful they would have food to eat tonight. Not hopeful that they wouldn't get sick, because the can't afford it. Not hopeful their parents had enough for retirement. Not hopeful they would be able to provide for their families.

Hope is critical. Period.

Peace

Dre day

2008-01-25T23:24:00.000-05:00

Talked to my dude Dre Hut the other day...or should I say, I got an email from him. Good to hear from that 6'8 mofo. He's in Turkey now playing ball. Been all over Europe. I was thinking that its got to be nice to have experienced so much and being able to see so many different things, and get paid while doing it. And paid well I might add.
He's got a 6 month old boy, a wife....they are with him there. Great to hear that he's able to have that. His family with him. That hasn't been the case for most of his time playing in Europe. Funny to think that we are grown ups. Crazy. We were just in High School.....

Maybe if he plays again somewhere I would like to visit, Joy and I can make a trip over!

Peace

No title

2008-01-25T23:04:00.000-05:00

It feels like its been a long time since I've written. Not much has actually happened, but there have been a whole hell of alot of ideas floating around in my head. The one significant thing thats happened is that I've found someone that shares the same wish to open up a little shop. A friend from high school, Kiesha. We are going to work together and see where things go. With some hard work we can make it happen! I'm excited about the possibility.

In the paper today, on the front page was news that the government has approved a measure that will provide some people with check with hopes that the money given out will help stimulate the economy. Might work, but where is the money coming from? We're going to have to pay that shit back eventually. Who knows what these old, mostly white men are thinking in Washington. Lets get some young men and women in positions of power. Who the fuck made the rule that you've got to be a middle aged man to make a good fucking decision?

Not that I'm not looking forward to getting some 'free' money. The idea is to use it towards our basement. WOW.....when we get the basement finished it will feel like a whole new house. A whole other level of living space. TV, couch, chair, bar, all the standard basement stuff. It's exciting just thinking about it....

Peace

Sleepless

2008-01-09T02:52:00.000-05:00

It's 3am on a Tuesday and I'm up. I've had this cold for several days now and finally was able to get some medicine that works last night. The first good night sleep that I've had since Friday, so I thought I was on the right track. Not so fast my friend. I'm back at it. Not only is my mind racing, but its windy as hell which isn't helping things. I need for it to be quiet until I fall asleep and this wind is fierce tonight. However, it's my mind that keeping me up. I'm sure of it. I'm thinking about work. About work missed. About my manager, my team. About what they are thinking. About what effect me being out will have on them...how they're feeling. I don't like calling off. It's not something that I do when it's not necessary, so I really shouldn't be that concerned but I am. If I call off today, it will be 3 1/2 days....big fucking deal right? I wish I could make myself believe that. So, I'm up trying to make myself believe. Trying to convince myself that my health comes before work. That I can take one more sick day. That it doesn't matter what my co-workers think because when I'm there I get shit done!

I've taken two doses of cough syrup with co dine and still no sleep. WOW...

In addition to still being sick, today is my wife's birthday....why am I so worried about work? I should just use my doctors note and call it a day. He gave me until Thursday. Why not use it. A friend told me that if I die tonight, work would still be there tomorrow....going on without me.

Guess we'll see what happens.

Peace.

Lets play house

2007-12-16T22:27:00.000-05:00

2008 we will get this fucking house together! Get some paint on the walls. Get some furniture of our own...a whole set that matches! Get the basement finished. Get some pictures and art up on the wall. Get a hood for the kitchen that matches the rest of the stuff. Finish putting the knobs on the cabinets and drawers. Replace the rest of the light fixtures. Replace the lights in the bathrooms. The list goes on and on. We'll be going into year 3 and haven't done nearly enough. I want a house that I feel comfortable inviting people over to. I want my house to be the way I want it. Something cool, with a wonderful vibrant positive vibe...something I'm sure I can create with the right time and attention.

Browns win

2007-12-16T22:05:00.001-05:00

The Cleveland Browns are 9-5! Yep, 9 wins & 5 losses. Correct, 4 more wins than losses. I'm loving every minute of it, especially being here in Cincinnati where they thought that their team had made it out of the land of obscurity a couple seasons ago when they made it to the playoffs, however they are currently having their 15th non winning season in 16 years.....or some pathetic shit like that.
Next week I'm going to the Browns/Bengals game here in Cincinnati. We are playing for a birth in the playoffs...win and we're in. We beat the Bengals in our first meeting, and I have no reason to believe that they can even play with us this season. I'm going to love being a Browns fan next Sunday!

In addition to the Browns winning this weekend, and much more importantly, Joy has received her last chemo treatment and the doctor says that things are looking good. Protein levels in her kidneys are low enough that things are considered in remission! We are very happy....very hopeful. We have to remain on the offensive as far as her health. Try to stay ahead of things. Not get down.

I'm certain that physically her condition is very difficult to deal with. I don't know how she does it sometimes. Mentally the burden has to be just as difficult. There is not much physically for me to deal with as far as her health, however mentally things can become very hard. I think about the future, about her future health. What are things going to be like 5, 10,15,20 years from now. How are things going to be when she's pregnant, when/if she's able to have a baby, what my responsibility is if her health worsens. Shit that I shouldn't be thinking about at 28!

Joy, is the most wonderful woman in the world. The best match for me that I've ever met. We're good together. Our trust, honestly, loyalty, love, compassion, understanding, patience, acceptance, motivation, inspiration, desire, reciprocation to one another allow us to have a pretty easy relationship. I'm lucky to not have a woman with a lot of drama. No friend issues, no baby daddy issues, no real family issues. Sometimes I'd rather deal with any of those issues in place of health issues, but what can you do. Deal with it, adjust to it as best possible and KEEP IT MOVING!

Go Browns!!!! Playoff bound baby......

Peace

Working 9-5

2007-11-26T22:38:00.000-05:00

This 9-5 shit is not for me. I think that I'd me much more effective with a less conventional work day. What if I can get done what needs to be done in 3 hours? What if I need 12, or 15? I want to be in control of my own thing. I don't want to be subjected to the ideas, culture, environment of someone else...especially someone/thing that I'm not all that fond of. The county's way of doing business is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay outdated. Think that might be why were currently working in a deficit? Gotta lay people off and shit. People are going to lose their jobs, and we say that we're in the business of helping those less fortunate? Does that make any sense? These old white folks need to step aside, and let some young black, white, red, brown, yellow, green people take control of things. I think that my generation has so much to offer, but these old fucks got a strangle hold on shit and are too damn greedy to relinquish control of anything...that's important. Which is why I want my own business. Something that I can put myself into. Something I can leave, as a betterment to my community. Something to make me some $$$
So, back to work. I listen to complaints...all day long. Nothing ever good. Bad all day long. It's draining. You have to be an extremely optimistic person that doesn't take the job home with you, and be really willing to try and help people. People who don't even give a shit that you're trying to help. They just know they need their food stamps or cash assistance check. I'm sure that in certain situation, if I was in a similar position, I'd be pissed too but I wouldn't talk to people the way some of our consumers speak to us. Nor would I speak to anyone the way some of our employees speak to the consumers.

Peace

Turkey Day

2007-11-22T12:40:00.000-05:00

Today is Thanksgiving. I've got too many things to mention that I'm thankful for. I'm healthy, and for the most part happy. I have a loving wife, a decent job, a wonderful family, a house that's still a work in progress, and numerous other things. I'd say that I'm doing pretty good. I'm proud of myself and where I am...that doesn't mean that I don't want more. Want to be more successful in every aspect of my life.
We're going over Bridget's grandmother's house for Thanksgiving dinner. The food will be great! Should be able to get in and get out w/o being over there too late. Not like anything is going on at home, but it's just nice to be in your own house to kick back and relax.

peace

See you next lifetime...

2007-11-21T23:16:00.000-05:00

When I was home for my class reunion, I found an old friend. A really good friend, that I talked to just about everyday in High School. We somehow lost touch after High School, but to see her and talk to her again was so comfortable and natural. More comfortable than anyone else I ran into all weekend. Maybe because we talked so much, and I felt like she knew..me. Our encounter during the reunion was brief, but we exchanged email addresses and phone numbers. We've been talking ever since. She's so much the same, but also very different. Hell, she's a woman now. With each conversation we have I remember why I felt such comfort with her. It's not something I can put my finger on, but she is truly a friend. Not only is she a friend, but she's HOT! Sexy as hell...goodness. And recently our talks have turned into some playful flirting. It's fun, harmless...good to know that someone would really want you. Good to know that someone else thinks you're an okay person.

She's great though, and I hope that I never lose contact with her again, and I hope that one day I can get over my crush and have her meet my wife so that she can truly be a part of my family. We'll see about all that...having too much fun flirting right now!

Absence does what?

2007-11-21T22:58:00.000-05:00

So, I make it back home from TN in one piece. I'm thinking that if Joy is feeling okay, I'll be getting some tail...she wasn't feeling okay. No problem, I understand. Maybe the next day...tuesday comes and goes with na...da...
We talk. Not about the fact that I'd expected to have sex with my wife upon my return home from a trip where I was gone 4 days, but about the fact that we wanted to make changes to make each other happy. Some of the things we wanted/needed from one another. After the communication back and forth all day, I was anticipating that we would put what we'd been talking about into action...nunca! Honestly, I'm lost. I don't understand one single thing that's going on. I ask for sex more often, then don't get any? She says that she wants to make me happy and be the cause of my happiness not the reason for me being unsatisfied, then nothing! What the fuck is she waiting on? Damn, I wish I knew so I could move that shit along.

We've got a 4 day weekend, so we'll see what happens during this time...

During one of the conversations that I had, I mentioned to her that I didn't want to have to go elsewhere to find what I need and she shook her head like she understood. But I don't really think that she does. And I don't know what to do to let her know...cause it's truely a possibility. I'm a man, and I need things. If the shoe were on the other foot and I wasn't doing what I needed to I'd expect her to try and find it elsewhere. Honestly, I think I would encourage it. I would hate to be the source of anything that caused her displeasure or discontent...so, I figure that it would be better that I know she was going elsewhere for a particular need that to know I was causing/or the cause of her pain...

What the hell is a man to do? Just sit on my hands????????????????

TN

2007-11-21T22:46:00.001-05:00

The road trip was excellent. We had a wonderful time. It was funny being with 3 other grown men for a couple of days. Haven't been around guys for consecutive days in a few years. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't expect some arguments, but surprisingly ever thing was cool. Lots of golf, liquor, and herb. Golf in the morning, until the late afternoon. Liquor and herb later in the evening.
Our accommodations weren't the best...we only had a one bedroom(essentially a one bedroom apartment) so we had to share beds. The one bedroom and a pull-out couch. We'll make sure to upgrade for next years trip..yeah, we want to make it an annual thing.

The golf was amazing. Even though my game is pretty bad, I had a good time playing. All of the little things that are necessary to play the game, make it very intriguing. I'm definitely going to continue to play and hopefully improve. I learned a few things from the fellas that I'm going to attempt to implement in my game and eventually find my own game. My main problems are keeping the damn ball straight...I can make contact, just not like it's meant to be done. Have to figure out why I keep hitting it to the right? Then I'll work on the power, then the short game...or something like that.

Road trip

2007-11-05T22:36:00.000-05:00

Taking a road trip with Michael, Butch, and Kevin next week. We are going to somewhere in TN to a time-share that Michael has. It's on like 5 golf courses. We'll be there Friday-Monday. 4 days of all the golf you can handle...Michael came up to my office today talking about...'are you ready'. Hell no, I'm not ready. My game needs some serious work. Like, I need to hit the driving range everyday before the trip, work. I not going to play golf and lose. I'm going to play to win. Got a lot of work to do, but I'm going to compete! Gotta get me a putter before we go.

Before today, I was thinking about driving down by myself. Michael, Butch, and Kevin were going to ride together. My train of thought was that I wanted to have my own vehicle in case I wanted to leave sooner, if Joy needed me to come home, or if I just needed to get away from 3 other grown ass men.
I decided to ride. Gas is too damn expensive and the Tahoe drinks that shit. Once I decide that I'm going to ride, I get hit with...why don't we take the Tahoe. No big deal, shit I was going to drive it myself anyway. It's got more room than the MDX, so lets roll. Wish I had the CD player fixed, but I'm rocking the satellite radio and the ipod so I'm cool. Just got some work done last week, so it should be cool on the road, especially when I get the new tires.

I'm looking forward to the entire trip. The drive down, the golf, the time after golf...just hanging out. I've never been out of town with my brother while we've been grown. Not w/o his kids and wife. Should be interesting. I've got a feeling I'll be the one with the most sense. They all got kids...shit is going to be comedy.

Peace.

Risky business

2007-11-05T22:21:00.000-05:00

I went to Dayton this weekend to hook up with some friends and see if I could spark a discussion about possibly starting a business, or coming up with a product idea. We met at Mongolian BBQ out in Kettering or Beavercreek or some shit. Craige had me taking the street, so I ain't know where the hell I was.
We sit down, eat good, and actually begin a dialogue. Cats really been thinking about trying to get into something and make some money. Several different good ideas, things that we may seriously be able to achieve with some hard work, commitment, responsibility, and some luck. Joy asked who the leader was...I was reluctant to say me, but I guess I am. And if I am then I need to put in the effort myself that I want to see out of everyone else. It's got to be me who's working the hardest. We'll see what happens. NOBODY outside of the people I had the meeting with, and a few other friends who didn't make it, believes this group of guys can pull a business off. Don't you just love the underdog!

Good day coming?

2007-10-31T22:41:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow has the potential to be a good day for us, for Joy. She's got a presentation that she's been working on and also a meeting with one of the directors. In the past couple weeks she's been getting hints thrown her way the something good was about to happen. People asking her has she heard about this or that. It's got her wondering what the hell people are talking about. No real mention of anything from her direct supervisor, so what could it really be...right? Or it could be bigger than that, which is why she's meeting with one of the directors. We'll see in a couple hours...
I'm so proud of her. She's such an inspiration. Truly a success in every since of the word. She's without a doubt the better half...

My on the other hand, I'm in the process of embarking in a tremendous experiment. I'm trying to get some of my best friends together to talk business! Might not sound too bad, but these guys aren't exactly business men. Including myself. However, I feel like if we all get on the same page with a common goal we can make shit happen. It won't happen overnight, but if we work and everyone put in the effort...anything can happen. ANYTHING.

Like I told my wife, expect the worst and hope for the best! Even if these current situations don't pan out for us at least we know that we are moving in the right direction. Gotta just stay committed to what it is we want to do, what it is that we want to accomplish. I don't give a shit about an accolades. Just give me a comfortable life, and some shit to leave my kids, kids, kids. Let that be my legacy. Something people can actually touch and feel....benefit from in a direct way. I want to create something, something bigger than myself. I'm enlisting my friends in this initial attempt because I think that they are interested in some of those same goals, and it would be fun to work with them. When I was a kid, and even now, I never wanted to have something significant as a symbol of success that I couldn't share with someone. Much more comfortable with a team. If I'm successful, I want everyone around me to be successful. I want to roll through Dayton with a fleet of black Range Rovers. Me and all my homies. Remember, ANYTHING can happen...impossible is nothing.

Peace

Reunion

2007-10-14T20:52:00.000-04:00

Class of 97, reunite. This weekend was my 10 year high school reunion. We had the homecoming football game, a tour of the new high school, and a party. Joy and I missed the football game, but were able to make it to the rest of the events. I had an great time. It was such a good feeling to see all the familiar faces. People I grew up with...that I went to school with for 6 years(junior high and high school) It's fascinating how people have changed...physically and mentally. Folks were a little chunkier. Some smaller. Mostly all the women with more tits and ass...most of the dudes had picked up weight, so I didn't feel so bad.
Everyone seemed to be doing good, with was delightful to hear. Folks had moved away...Houston, ATL, Boston, Chicago, Japan, Iraq, D.C., We done good.

Not everyone I thought would show up did, but it was an impressive turn out. Pretty much the core group of people when we were in high school were the people who attended. Hopefully I will do a better job of keeping in touch with people. I realized that I missed talking to some of them.

Also got to hook up with lil cuz, B. He just moved into a house out in Kettering. Nice little house. Basement, second floor. Just like the house he grew up in except for the second floor. His wife is expecting again. The twins are 3 and adorable. I hadn't seen them in a long time...they are just as friendly and polite as you'd expect. He's really a fascinating person. His ability to stay the same person despite the things that he's gone thru(some chosen). We've been close since I can remember, so maybe we just have this understanding of each other...a note so common bond. Hard to explain.

Got him hooked up to the PS3 online, so now we can play. So, let me do that before I retire for the night.

Peace

humble as I mumble

2007-09-29T01:12:00.000-04:00

How can I make money by doing good? Something good for the people, for the environment. What is it that can be done profitably so that my family can become wealthy. Not rich, but wealthy. Wealthy in mind, body, spirit....and monetarily. Things is that people have got to want things to be better. People have to want to get involved in something that is of benefit to not only themselves but someone/thing other than themselves. How can I be profitable, allow my employees to benefit, and serve or service the planet and the people. Damn, that's a tall task...

Heavy Chevy

2007-09-20T21:00:00.000-04:00

We are getting a truck! I'm excited. Always wanted a truck, specifically a Chevy Tahoe. The body style is classic to me. I love it. Getting that Tahoe...pick it up tomorrow. I'm grateful, and give thanks to the most. 97 Tahoe. It's got a couple things I'll have to do to it, but nothing major(hopefully) no engine, transmission, exhaust issues. I'll get some new tires before winter, get a tune-up, a little brake work...what can you expect from a 10 year old truck. I love it though. Don't even have it in the driveway and I'm already falling in love. This will be MY first car! The first one my parents bought(86 Mercury Capri), next one was a(92 Honda Accord) which my parents also bought, follow that is my current car(01 LS) which is mine, but my parents signed for it. The Tahoe is all me, we'll all us. My wife cosigned cause I'm still getting my credit together...could I really have been so stupid to get my credit fucked up. Seems like I knew better, I'm sure I knew better. But I was broke!
Anyway, I can't wait to get the truck home and start putting my stamp on it. Gotta clean it up to Myke P specifications :-) My dad's car is always spotless. Motherfucker be CLEAN! I keep the LS clean, but not as clean as my dad's car. Now I've got to keep 3 cars clean. And I'm sure the truck takes some work to clean cause I can spend all day rubbing on the LS.
Must be the Dayton in my with my love for the Tahoe. Can't wait to take mine home, let the homies see. I'm really going to have to try not to go crazy on fixing it up. Rims are a must though! Tint the windows. Nothing major.
Who do I let know first? Maybe I'll take it to play golf this weekend? I want it to snow tomorrow so I can drive up fucking Westwood Northern Blvd, park on the peak of the hill get out of the Tahoe stand on the hood and beat my chest in victory. Road has crippled the LS two winters in a row. Don't nobody do nothing bad to the LS...
I want to haul some shit. Anything...we need something picked up? I'll go get it. Home improvement project? Let me grab the keys to the Tahoe...

Got a hell of a deal to....about $3k less than they were asking. I think it will be a good investment. Can't hurt to have a 3rd car.

Peace

Fuckin Browns

2007-09-09T20:49:00.000-04:00

It's hell being a Cleveland Browns fan. They stink! Simple as that. I'm an optimistic person, and I hope for the best out of them every week, every down. But damn. Will they do anything right....ever? Season opener against the Steelers, at home. And they nut up. Don't do shit but get ran out of their own house. Are you kidding me. Someone comes to your house and does whatever the fuck they want? That's crazy talk. Frye, shitty. Winslow, shitty. Edwards, shitty. O. Line, shitty. Anderson, shitty. Lewis, shitty. That's a whole lot of shitty games and that's just on offense. A good team can overcome one or two shitty games, but when the whole fucking team can't do anything. Unacceptable.
But, the Bengals haven't played yet. And when they lose tomorrow to the Ravens, I'll feel a little better. I hate the fucking Bengals! Bengals lose and come to Cleveland next week and take one from us. Crennel better get in somebody's ass this week. They need to practice and extra hour a day.

28

2007-09-06T22:09:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow, I'll be 28. Insignificant in the big scheme of things. I mean it's not like 16, 18, 21, 25. It's just 28. Thing is...it's crazy to think of myself as a 28 year old. Didn't seem possible when I was a kid. Seemed like everyone was so much older than me, I figured I'd never make it to be as old as them. But I'm here and I'm loving it.
So, let me be the first to say happy birthday to me. No big plans for the birthday weekend. Dinner with my family, and the Browns vs. Steelers game are the bookends. Go BROWNIES! This is going to be a good season for us. A great season. Luck is going to swing our way this time...oooh, I can't wait to see it happen.
Joy got notice this week that she's receiving a 'star award' which is given to employees who have done an exceptional job. And on top of that she's getting a raise!! I'm so proud of her. Glad that she works somewhere she loves, and enjoys what she's doing. She deserves all the good things in the world to happen to her. To see her happy makes me whatever being more than happy is...

My little cousin B has been texting me the last couple of days. Good to hear from him. He's almost like a brother to me. Probably my only early childhood friends that I have any contact with. He's the only kid that was close in age(where a year apart), so we spent a lot of time together as kids. He didn't live by me, but his grandmother, Katie B did. My parents were close to his family. They were family before we came along.
Anyway, dude invites me to the Browns vs. Bengals game on 12.28. Very unexpected but very happy about. Got the tickets from Katie B, who says it's going to be too damn cold to be at the game! Shiiiit, we know she right but being there is going to be fucking great! I can't wait. Especially if we have a season like I think we will have. The game will have some meaning, some playoff implications. Hey, maybe it's a sign after all these years, all the Bengals games Katie B had tickets to(season ticket holder) this year I'm presented with the opportunity. I'm feeling like the Browns are going to be the surprise story of the season...

My point was that I'm glad to hear from little cuz and am going to try to do a better job of talking more often. Going up to see him and his family.

Peace

Chemo

2007-08-24T00:46:00.000-04:00

Today Joy received her second of six treatments. Got to the hospital about 9 and left around 2..pretty much a full day's work. No lunch, no breaks. The treatment isn't that bad, as far as how it's administered. It's all done thru an IV. She handles things so well...amazing. Dr. Cardi came by to see how she was and give us the test results from her last urine/blood work. And the results...all is good. Kidney function is good, and the levels of protein are decreasing. Her weight is even up. I think she's in the 130's now. I'm not complaining!! I love it. Hope the weight stays...
We went to lunch after the treatment. Arthur's in Hyde Park. It's a nice little place to eat. We usually sit on the patio, but it was like 105 today!
Then we ran in a little boutique next door...the had some nice stuff. Got me to thinking that I've got to put some fire under all the different ideas I have. They aren't doing me any good w/o taking action on them. I've put limitations on myself b/c I don't think I can do everything myself, but I'm going to have to. That how I'm going to have to start. I am my best investment! I want to open up a boutique. Aimed at the older Hip Hop generation. Like 25-40? Jeans, sneakers, jackets, hats, shirts, pants, accessories. Shit, I can do that. Nice shit. Nice atmosphere, bangin music, books, cds, albums.
Imma get it poppin....watch!

Peace

Big fucking kid

2007-08-18T23:36:00.000-04:00

Yo...I got a PS3 last week! Shit is crazy. Crazy. The games are unbelievable. The picture. Bananas. You can download music, movies, pictures. You can surf the internet. You can watch Blu-Ray disc movies(some new new shit). I've been playing into the morning hours. Can't stop. It's so much fun. I can play friends who have the system via the internet. So, I can play Craige in Dayton...from my living room. A beautiful thing! Trying to find more people I know, so that we can communicate this way. Staying in touch so to speak. Dudes just don't call dudes, but that's another story I suppose.
But this PS3 shit. Crazy.
Matter of fact, I gotta go play....

Oh, one last thing. If anyone ever reads this find the Essence magazine from September '07 and look back to the Virgo horoscope(my sign) and then read the In the Spirit editorial by Susan L. Taylor. She says among other things "The courage to love manufactures peace and puts an aura of protection around you. A kind and loving spirit is more powerful than anything walking on earth." Ain't that some shit...

Golf is like life

2007-08-18T23:03:00.000-04:00

The game features so many components of life. Patience, perseverance, softness, force, and a bunch of others...
The thing is that you can't have any of those emotions solely. You've got to use them all, or some, or some mixture of some and all. But how do you manage to incorporate all or some of these things in your game(life)? Let me tell you...it's not easy. Because at so many points in the game(life) you've got to determine how to most effectively use these talents. And every situation is different. Every shot and different shot. All over the course. Hills, valleys, water traps, sand traps, trees, grass, and a mean old monster called the putting green. And during any and all of these various obstacles, you will have to determine what talents you'll use...how much or how little. So you've got constant adversity on the course and you've got to find a way to make it as easy as possible. There's a place called the fairway...stay there!!!!!! It's grass is nice and it's clear of any trees. It's a direct route to the hole. That's what we're working towards....

Until you can pretty much guarantee a shot on the fairway, you're mind has to be totally in the game. Your swing(decisions) will affect what situation you end up in. Gotta get that swing(decisions) together. Gotta get that swing to be nice and easy. Smooth. Like butta!
Easier said than done. That swing is some hard shit to figure out. You've got to use your natural ability, but use it in a way that allows you to incorporate all of your talents(patience, perseverance...) And when that happens it's a wonderful feeling. Wonderful. So imagine that in life you made all the right decision and used all that you know to make those decisions. You'd end up on the fairway. Looking straight at the hole.

The miracles of medicine

2007-07-11T23:11:00.000-04:00

I think I need to try writing earlier in the day...I seem to always be writing at night? Wonder why that is?
I've completely missed my goal of being in shape by the time our vacation to SC came along. I'm really disappointed in myself and need to figure out a way to stay on track and do the things necessary for me to lose this gut. It's driving me crazy. Seems as the only solution is to work out in the morning before work. Yes, I said it before work. That would mean waking up at like 5am...crazy talk. But I've got to do something!

Joy's got to have a biopsy on her kidney Friday(It's Friday the 13th). Her last test results came back indicating that her protein levels have increased and the doctor wants to determine why that's happening. So, instead of just increasing her meds...he's taking an extra step and having this procedure done. Thanks, doc! At this point we don't know what the results will say. Maybe the type of Lupus has changed? Maybe it will just require more/different meds? I'm hoping that it isn't anything too major. For one, I want Joy to be healthy. Two, I want to go to SC for our first family vacation.
Her mother is coming down tomorrow, I wish it was Friday morning but what can I do. I'm just so damn uptight around them. Can't find a nice comfortable place...but she's coming for her daughter and I totally understand. Glad she'll be here to support Joy.

See you on the treadmill @ 5:15...

She's back

2007-06-21T22:35:00.000-04:00

Wifey made it home safe and sound this afternoon. And I'm extremely happy to have her back. I missed her laugh, smile, just her company. She seemed to have had a good time in Louisville, and brought home a wealth of information. Humana really has an investment in their employee's. It's wonderful to see, would be even better to participate in...seems as if there isn't room for anything at the agency.
Anyway, I got a Ali t-shirt from the Ali museum. It's nice...
Joy being back has some other significance. The nice before she left, nothing happened. No warm embrace, no snuggling, no good nice kiss, no sex. Now, my assumption is that when your partner leaves, you make love to them. It is also my assumption that upon your return you make love to them again. Because not only are you happy to see them, but you want to express your love for them...in more than words. You want to connect. These ideas have been communicated to wifey. She's forgotten or she just doesn't give a fuck. She promised to read a book on relationships that I've read, that I thought helped me understand her possible perspective. She took it out of town with her...didn't open it. Told me she took it, but didn't read it. If that's not giving a fuck, I don't know what is. Tell me to my face that you took a book that I've asked you to read...that you've promised to read...and didn't even bother to read any of it! WOW...
I often feel like this shouldn't be a complaint. That me not getting my sexual needs addressed shouldn't be a problem. I should just deal with it and be happy. I should accept not getting what I want because it's sex and its marriage and it's your wife and you've made a commitment to her and you're the man and what you have to say means shit and your needs are minimized by the fact that you are a man.
I tell her that she has all the fucking power. She has what I want, and is in total control. She's the sole distributor of her goods. They cannot be obtained without her permission. Not only her permission, but she has to want to give it to you. It's nothing that you can do to persuade her to give you some. She don't want to...she don't got to!
This is bullshit. I feel fucking helpless...
Everything else is GOLDEN though!!! She's the best thing that has ever happened to me in every other way...that's why I say that you can't expect a person to be EVERYTHING that you want/need them to be. And if you love that person then you should allow them to pursue outside parties to help in any area that you need help meeting wants/needs.

I just want to make love to my wife!

Much to early

2007-06-19T21:02:00.000-04:00

I just got a text from one of my best friends that our dude's mother passed away this past Sunday. I'm not in touch with dude, so I'm not sure if there were health issues or if this was sudden. What ever the circumstance, my heart is heavy. You know how you've got those friends that you don't necessarily stay in contact with, but when you see them it's always nothing but love? That's our relationship. Jarue is a great guy. Doing good things, just trying to go about life just like everyone...
His mother can't be too much older than my parents, which means she was late 50's maybe early 60's. She was a very nice lady. I didn't know her well, but our high school community was really close so I knew her...make you think about your parents, in-laws, aunts, uncles, cousins. Shit is crazy. Jarue's best friend(also a good friend of mine) Andre just had a child. Wonder if she was able to see him? No word on the funeral, but I'm going to try and go...

I'm home alone for a couple of days. Joy is out of town in Louisville for a work conference...wouldn't that be nice, if I were able to do that? Working for the Government does have it's downside...
She in a executive suite...hotel said that's what they had her in. Bullshit, I know. She says it's awesome!
It will be nice to have some time to myself. I think it will benefit her as well. Being together everyday can become boring and you start getting on each other's nerves. Hopefully she will come back horny...a brotha can dream can't he? Humana, her employer, seems to have soo many opportunities available...in different cities too. Tampa, Chicago, Miami to name a few. I want to move, I would move, but she's pretty luke warm about the idea and I don't think it will happen after kids...so Cincinnati might be home for some time. And just think, I didn't even want to come down to this muthafucka to begin with. If I only would have been able to go to Hampton...

Peace

Question

2007-06-15T23:43:00.000-04:00

Why are women so fucking beautiful?....Damn.

Who's got an idea?

2007-06-15T23:27:00.000-04:00

TGIF! Man, it was a long week. Work is a monster lately. Not really sure what it is, but things just aren't like they were when I started and that's only been a year ago. When I figure it out, I'll let you know...
Anyway, on our way to Penn Station, wifey says that she has been thinking of getting into real estate. Get a piece of property and lease it...something like that. I'm game, been game and been telling her that this is something we need to look into. Thing is...is she doesn't listen to me. She may listen, but she's always got to have a second opinion prior to expressing her interest or disinterest in what I'm talking about. So, she's gotten a second opinion that is similar to what I've been saying and...BAM! Now we're thinking about getting into real estate. It got thru, doesn't matter how it happened, she's on board. If this works we could potentially earn some money and establish ourselves financially. Become secure. Dare I say comfortable. We've just got to be determined and formulate our ideas into action. I'm excited about the excitement that she seems to have. None of my other ideas(which may not have garnered a second opinion in my favor)have made her this optimistic...and I think I've got great ideas...
Got to go...got moves to make. Peace.

Extra room

2007-06-09T22:39:00.000-04:00

I've finally gotten some patio furniture. Yep, it all went down Thursday. Pretty nice set for not alot of money...always a good combo! My brother helped me put it up(my 4 year old niece too). Got out here on it last night(Friday) with my homeboy and his son, and again tonight with my brother and our boy. Put some burgers and chicken on the grill, had some brew, and a little treat...wonderful day. Wasn't too hot, good company, food, comfort, sitting out on my new patio furniture. The pleasures of life...

My wife was at a co-workers wedding. A man that used to be homosexual, but now's straight? A the woman who he's marrying is fully aware of his past a gay man. Sounds like some shit on T.V., but life does immate art.

I hope I can get to know more of my neighbors this summer. Many of them seem to be very secluded. I'm a pretty private guy(you're writing a fucking blog, dude) but these folks be shut in. Blinds closed, front doors with screen doors that aren't open, never outside and if they are and you pass they might not speak. Why can't we speak? Is it that serious that you don't want to know the people you're living next to? You'd rather not know the person you're living next to? I'm going to have force them to speak. Get all up in their personal space. Go into their yards. Knock on their doors. I feel like I'm an outsider because we are empty nesters.

I'll be using my patio to do more of this in the very near future. Peace.

Damn it, Man

2007-05-29T22:16:00.000-04:00

My wife went to buy some make-up this weekend. The first trip didn't result in a look that she nor I liked, so we went to the spot together the next day. This time the make-up artist got it right. And my wife looked like a million bucks. Now me being a man, I want to fuck all the time...regardless of how she looks(just about regardless of how she looks), but with this new make-up she's HOT. I can't stop complementing her on how good she looks. She's liking the new look herself.
She picks out a sexy little dress to wear to work, and looks better today than yesterday. I tell her before I leave the house how good she looks. I send emails telling her how much I'd been thinking about her, and how much I loved her with this make-up on. She let me know she liked it, and I could tell she was more confident.
I continue to compliment her...because I truly am in aw. Telling her how I can't wait to see her after work, how I want to get under her dress. She's seemingly going along with my advances, but please be advised that any conversation regarding anything sexual while at work is simply talk to her. NOTHING ever sticks. No matter how many suggestions I make, I'm rarely successful in putting her in the 'mood'. To the point where it's almost not worth the effort...
Anyway, back to today. I'm so smitten, I send flowers to her job. A nice little bouquet of something..she gets them and says how sweet I am and how much she loves and appreciates me. Those things are good, but I'm looking to get some pussy! So, I send the flowers. I cook dinner, do a load of laundry, put up some laundry, take her nail polish off. Not because I expect something, but because those are things I do because they need to be done. Thing is earlier today on the elevator a co-worker is complaining to me about how she's got to go home and do this and that. To which I say, oh...I do x,y,z. She's like can I clone you. My husband doesn't do anything around the house. I know this to be true of most men, cause hey I'm a man. But again, I do thing because they are necessary and I would never want the entire burden of maintaining a home to fall on the shoulders of my wife.
I digress...
The point is that throughout the day I thought I was laying plans to get some pussy. She's talking about putting the dress back on after her shower, so I can get under it. She's talking about 'you must really want some' referring to the flowers. By 7, I know there's no sex in the plans for tonight...like too many other nights. And I can't understand. And I try. I've gotten a book, I look online for reasons and remedies, I try talking to her about what I need. Nothing clicks. She doesn't understand. Doesn't understand the rejection. Doesn't understand the longing. Doesn't understand the desire. Doesn't understand the need. Doesn't understand the want. Doesn't understand that sex is something a 27 year old man needs. And I understand that she's tired. I understand that the meds may be the cause. I understand that she doesn't want to as much. I understand that she's critical of herself regarding this(or so she says). I understand that she wishes her desire was greater.
And all this damn understanding leaves me pissed, cause I feel like I should be able to get some fucking pussy when I want!
And I'm writing just to get this shit out, so I don't fucking wake her up and go off. So I don't go to sleep mad.

So, in case you've missed it. I've got a hot wife, hows even hotter with this new make-up and confidence that goes along with it. But she doesn't want to sleep with me. How can a man not begin to think 'it's got to be me'. Maybe I'm not pleasing her? Makes sense..I wouldn't want to do something all the time I don't enjoy, but she swears this isn't it. THEN WHAT THE FUCK IS THE PROBLEM! Doesn't the bible say something about your wife and sex? Why don't we follow that fucking rule!!!! Why do I have to suffer, because I'm a man and should just have to deal with it. Why shouldn't I be able to fulfill my sexual needs...with or without my wife, if she's not willing or is unable. What the fuck do I do? In my relationship sex is expendable...not treated as a necessity. Not treated as a vital part of the relationship.

DAMN IT, MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

Fun in the Sun

2007-05-03T20:18:00.000-04:00

This time next week, I'll probably be in bed. Resting up for an early trip to the airport with my sights set on sunny Florida. Our friends are getting married on the beach...Cocoa Beach! We can't wait. The wedding is on the 13th, we'll get the on the 11th. Our anniversary is the 7th so it's kinda like our anniversary gift to each other/vacation. I can't wait!
We've been trying to prepare some this week with little success. So like every other person who readies for a trip, we'll be doing the last minute thing...so I'll probably end up not sleeping at all come this time next week. I've been making lists of what I think we need: lotion, sunscreen, condoms, toothpaste, toothbrush, shampoo, did I say condoms? I'm hoping FL brings out the freak in my wife, we'll see what happens. I've been throwing hints her way, but doesn't seem like she's taking the bait. Not at this point anyway...let me stop talking about it so I don't get my hopes up and get disappointed. Wouldn't you hate to be disappointed while in sunny FL?

The opportunity to go to FL is a blessing. We've saved our money, and luckily wifey knows someone who used to work at the airport, so we got buddy passes. I've been to FL once before, but it wasn't that great of an experience. It was Black Beach or the Black College Reunion. Whatever the title, it was CRAZY. Boys and Girls acting a damn fool, plus I was sooooooooooooo high the whole time, I don't remember much. Just trying to get my dude out of jail cause he had some herb on him. I think that's how we spent most of the time. Oh, and I remember there were about 10 dudes to a room! Cats sleeping on the floor, 3-4 to a bed. CRAZY. And the women...no way were any of those ho's touching me. No thanks to a girl who found being groped all day by packs of young men fun.

Traveling reminds me of a time my family went to Atlanta. I was probably 14-15, and my cousin had gotten a job at the Hyatt or some fancy hotel. She put us up in a really nice room with a wonderful view. While looking out over Atlanta, I thought to myself...this is something that every kid should have the opportunity to experience. A nice hotel, and the opportunity to see something different in the world. Every trip provides something different. Another way of life, different culture, different ways of talking, thinking, drinking, partying. Experience is the best teacher without a doubt. And I'm on the verge of another experience. Can't wait to learn something.

I'll leave you with this...I think I'm going to put it on a tshirt. 'If you aren't SMART, then you are DUMB' sums it up don't you think?

Gotta go...gotta leave

2007-04-06T17:59:00.000-04:00

Life is a BITCH! You never know what might happen. Change is the only constant, which makes for one hell of a ride. All of my life I've felt as if I was an 'old soul' as they call it. I was somehow more mature than kids my age. Guess you could say it had something to do with having a brother 10 years my senior and parents who were about 30 when they had me. Whatever way you cut it, I was always more comfortable with older people than I was with people my age...they just didn't get it and it frustrated me, cause I couldn't explain 'it' to them. Now I'm 27, and have determined that 'it' was the grown folks business other kids parents told them they had no business listening to.
When I was about 7,8,9 my parents were going thru a really tough time. My brother was almost out of the house, so my mom talked to me alot about how she was feeling. I think then is when I chose to treat my wife the exact opposite of what was going on with her and my father. He was drinking heavily, and they argued constantly. There was no affection, no kisses or hugs between them. No romance...nothing. I would follow my mother around like a lost puppy thinking that if I was by her side, somehow I could make things better. Maybe if I was right there for my father to see, he wouldn't yell at her, or break the kitchen table, or knock the pictures off the wall, or throw some shit out the door. Me being by her side obviously didn't help. My mom wasn't big on arguing with my father, so she would just take whatever bullshit he was saying and keep it moving. Shit, she had kids to raise and a house to take care of. Who's got time for bullshit.
She would talk to me about leaving. About moving to Cali where her best friend, Marsha lived. I was down for the move, my brother wasn't...so we stayed. He wanted to graduate high school at what would later be my alma mater. Things improved I guess, there was less yelling, cussing, fussing. And I was getting older and bigger. By the time I was 13 I was bigger than both my parents. At this point I really felt like I could protect my mom, if dad was tripping. Physically maybe I could have. Not emotionally. The topic of mom leaving has come up a handful of time since then. Dad's been diagnosed with Depression. He doesn't really manage well. He's still drinking and doesn't let the fucking therapist do her job. Mom's talking about leaving again. I can't tell her anything but to do what makes her happy. She's endured enough. They've been married for like 37 years. It's time for her to be happy. For someone to be unselfish enough to recognize that she is an angel. The absolute best woman in the world..hands down. No other woman is even close, and I'm sure there are some great women, but they aren't my mom.
What happens to dad if she leaves thought? He'll either lose it or come to the realization that he has to stop drinking and tackle his depression. He has to realize what he has. Dad's not a bad guy, he's just battling with some issues within himself that hasn't allowed him to enjoy his life. He's had a hand in raising two pretty decent men. He's taught me how to be a man and what I needed to do to be a productive member of society, but he hasn't always taken his own advise.
Divorce or separation is a difficult thing to swallow. Especially after 37 years. What do they do without each other? Where do they live? How do they survive on their own? Well dad anyway, being that mom does everything to maintain the house.
Wifey's parents are coming down this weekend, and I'm contemplating letting them in on what's going on with my parents, but I have a gut feeling that that isn't a good idea. I feel like they will pass judgement and look at us with even more of a superior scowl, and I just can't deal with that. I've got to act like nothings on my mind and everything is cool, not to mention Easter dinner is at my brothers house where everyone will be. I've got no idea what to do.
I don't know how to talk to my dad about these issues. I've never done it before, but I don't want him to continue living his life like this. I want him to conquer the depression and show my mom just how much he loves her, cause I do know that he does. Between what he told me to do and what I decided I wasn't going to do that I saw him do, I think I've become a pretty good husband. Damn, life's a BITCH!

Beautiful Day

2007-04-01T20:49:00.000-04:00

Today was almost perfect outside. Sun shinning, nice breeze, and a temperature that was just right. I wish I lived somewhere this type of weather was the rule and not the exception.

It's been awhile since I've written, and I can't really explain why. Maybe, I've actually been busy? We have been doing more 'stuff' lately...not just in the house looking at each other.

Yesterday we attempted to put knobs and pulls on the cabinets in the kitchen. Our efforts are incomplete to say the least. My brother was supposed to come help today, but never made it...Today we struck out t20o the driving range, but it was gone when we got there. I was pissed, I wanted to get my golf on, guess I need to find a new spot. I'm supposed to be taking lessons before our trip in July(if I don't I'll be on the course looking completely ridiculous). Since the driving range was closed, we went to Lowes to look at BBQ grills, then had lunch, then back to Lowes to purchase a grill(the one we have was messed up). Right before the purchase of a brand new grill, I found a replacement part to fix the grill we have...$20 bucks instead of $200! Can't beat that. Came home and got busy...cleaning my car. I love for my car to be clean, but with all the work they are doing in my neighborhood, it's hard to keep clean. Washing my car is a joyous occasion. Maybe it's because I watched my dad do it? I love it...washing the outside, then the precision care for the inside, windows, and then the tires/rims(I gotta get some chrome 20inch rims). Throw a air freshener in for good measure. Priceless...

Also car related, I've got to get my damn bumper fixed! It's been over a year with that damn ding, and I can't take it anymore. Mom knows someone in Springboro, so I guess I'll check him out. Cause I know the dealership will rape me if I have them do it, hell I can't even get out of there for an oil change w/o paying $100. I hit 100k miles a couple of weeks ago and needs some maintenance done. Overall, the LS runs like a champ! I love my car, and want to keep it for as long as possible. Wait till I get them 20's on it!!! Maybe by the time we make the trip to SC in July. Gotta be fresh when you go out of town...

Joy's out of town for work tomorrow...let me go see if I can get some ;-)

Bedside Baptist

2007-02-25T11:33:00.000-05:00

Mrs. Patton is at church this morning. I went a couple of weeks ago, and tried to find the message among the endless rhetoric that I didn't necessarily agree with. Religion has always been a huge question for me. Not that I don't believe that there is a God, but the terms in which she blessed the earth with all of its beautiful things and people. The logic in me says...why is the God that I believe in, in competition with all other Gods. Why if God told us to be accepting and understanding and tolerant, do we despise people who don't believe what we do. Why do we not honor thy mother and father. Why has man determined that all men are not created equal, and the people who believe that the Bible's words should be lived out here on earth allow that to happen? Why are Christian's un-accepting of gay/lesbians? Why does the Black community use a religion that was used to enslave us as their salvation? Why do the folks who attend church every Sunday think they are entitled to something I am not? Why do they act as if they are better than me?

My relationship with God is good. I pray to her and talk to her and allow her to guide me. She gives me hope, allows me to feel good about my life and the lives of my family. She allows me to be happy...to work, and play. To be healthy. I pray to her that she continues to look over me and grant me the experiences of life. I pray to her that she keep my wife healthy...make her more healthy. I ask her to keep us safe. I pray to her my hopes and dreams. My wishes for the world. For the people who have nothing. The people being killed for no reason. For the people who are poor and discarded. For the people who have no hope.

I believe, just not the way others want me to. I believe the way that works best for me. I believe in the way I think she wants me to. I believe with ideas from different places and even religions.

Wifey doesn't force her religion on me. Which I'm grateful for, and she worships and believes differently than I do. That's fine with me...in fact I like it that way! I only hope that all those people in church are praying for something other than themselves. Because if they know there is something greater, then they should know that the world is a crazy place and so many people need a prayer said for them...at least a prayer!

Who wanna..............bowl?!

2007-02-10T21:22:00.000-05:00

Today I went bowling. I like bowling, but I don't go on a regular basis. I used to bowl in a league when I was a kid, Saturdays with my boy Craige and Thurston. We may have been the only team with all of it's members being young black males. Great memories...so today I went bowling.

The first game started off rocky. At least I stuck to my M.O....unable to pick up a damn spare! So that first game was a whole lot of that with a strike mixed in to irritate me. Ended up with 168, I think.

Game 2 was worse. Oh my, was I bad. It's the ball, I said. It's these jeans that are too long, and messing up my glide to the line. It's the ball, those jeans, and the lanes...ended up with like 122.

Now I'm frustrated enought to realize I need to make some adjustments. Who would keep doing that same thing and stinking at it. So, I move over a few boards(I know those of you who bowl love that terminology) and even take a step back.

Third times a charm! I don't know what I ended up with, but it was better than the first two games. And I beat my father-in-law, who bowls on a regular basis. But was using a brand new ball. 1 for 3 isn't that bad, right?

1 more you say? Absolutely...shit, I'm trying to win another game! 198...yep, I said it. 198 a mere 4 games into my, at least 6 month lay-off. I've got the feeling now. I'm like, I should join a league. I can still do this. Eh, but who'd I bowl with. Maybe if some friends agree, or Joy.

Rubber match...I'm still feeling good. Got my board, and I'm getting consistancy in my ball placement and release. Bang. Bang. Bang. Spare. Bang. The game went a lot like that. Ended up with 203 and the most wins for the day 3 out of 5! So, back to the idea about getting in a league. Where would I bowl? Gotta get a new ball, cause I had to do too much work for that 203. If I had a ball that I liked to throw...it would be over!

Did I mention, I live in Cincinnati

2007-02-06T22:29:00.000-05:00

So, today it snowed. 3-4 inches maybe. Nothing major really, but the damn city is completetly incapable of handling any type of snow. Work let us leave early, as most employer's did. That didn't help. Traffic was still a crawl....a slow crawl. Not a salt truck in sight! Took me about 2 hrs to go 6 miles.

I get stuck on the way home, coming up the hill. A cop comes up and pushes my car up the hill. I get stuck again. This time no cop. Wifey came to the rescue with her co-workers and picked me up(man, I've got to get a truck)!

No problem, right? Just call AAA and they'll tow you home. Just got to wait a few hrs on a night like tonight. Um...come to find out, AAA can't do shit for me. After waiting patiently they call and say they can't even make it up the hill! Ask if I can walk to the car, and if I could all they could do was get me off the street. So, you're serving me how? Your purpose is what?

Hopefully my car is in one piece in the morning, and I can get it to the house...I'm praying!

It's COLD

2007-02-05T20:10:00.000-05:00

Today was the coldest I remember it being in a looong time. I can usually handle the normal conditions, but today...it was COLD. Now maybe I know why my wife questions me about my ideas on moving to Chicago.

She's found out(so she says) that someone at work has a crush on her. I think it's great that other people find some type of beauty in her. I think I like it even more because it makes her feel good. She came home today with that 'I know I'm the shit' swagger.

I'm on the way home listening to the new Mos Def(true magic) for the first time where I could really turn the volume up and listen. Dude is unbelievably good! One of the better albums I've heard in awhile. It will definitely be in the rotation with some regularity. Oh, and dude's CD packaging is CRAZY. A clear plastic case and his CD. Nothing else. No art work, no linear notes, nothing...case and cd. After all, that's really all you need isn't it?

Tiger

2007-01-28T18:17:00.000-05:00

So, it's Sunday afternoon and there is no football on...Gotta watch Tiger win what seems like his 100Th in a row. Man, I wish I was that good at something! This time of day had been reserved for a little oochie coochie with the wife, but our streak of two straight weekends is looking like it may come to an end :-(
She not horny yet...I'll see what I can do about that.

This is my first blog, and it feel wonderful. Having the ability to express what I feel, at any given moment, for everyone to see....fantastic! I hope to become a frequent user and establish a relationship with some of you. Let's see how this first one goes before I make any promises.