Gotta go...gotta leave

Life is a BITCH! You never know what might happen. Change is the only constant, which makes for one hell of a ride. All of my life I've felt as if I was an 'old soul' as they call it. I was somehow more mature than kids my age. Guess you could say it had something to do with having a brother 10 years my senior and parents who were about 30 when they had me. Whatever way you cut it, I was always more comfortable with older people than I was with people my age...they just didn't get it and it frustrated me, cause I couldn't explain 'it' to them. Now I'm 27, and have determined that 'it' was the grown folks business other kids parents told them they had no business listening to.
When I was about 7,8,9 my parents were going thru a really tough time. My brother was almost out of the house, so my mom talked to me alot about how she was feeling. I think then is when I chose to treat my wife the exact opposite of what was going on with her and my father. He was drinking heavily, and they argued constantly. There was no affection, no kisses or hugs between them. No romance...nothing. I would follow my mother around like a lost puppy thinking that if I was by her side, somehow I could make things better. Maybe if I was right there for my father to see, he wouldn't yell at her, or break the kitchen table, or knock the pictures off the wall, or throw some shit out the door. Me being by her side obviously didn't help. My mom wasn't big on arguing with my father, so she would just take whatever bullshit he was saying and keep it moving. Shit, she had kids to raise and a house to take care of. Who's got time for bullshit.
She would talk to me about leaving. About moving to Cali where her best friend, Marsha lived. I was down for the move, my brother wasn't...so we stayed. He wanted to graduate high school at what would later be my alma mater. Things improved I guess, there was less yelling, cussing, fussing. And I was getting older and bigger. By the time I was 13 I was bigger than both my parents. At this point I really felt like I could protect my mom, if dad was tripping. Physically maybe I could have. Not emotionally. The topic of mom leaving has come up a handful of time since then. Dad's been diagnosed with Depression. He doesn't really manage well. He's still drinking and doesn't let the fucking therapist do her job. Mom's talking about leaving again. I can't tell her anything but to do what makes her happy. She's endured enough. They've been married for like 37 years. It's time for her to be happy. For someone to be unselfish enough to recognize that she is an angel. The absolute best woman in the world..hands down. No other woman is even close, and I'm sure there are some great women, but they aren't my mom.
What happens to dad if she leaves thought? He'll either lose it or come to the realization that he has to stop drinking and tackle his depression. He has to realize what he has. Dad's not a bad guy, he's just battling with some issues within himself that hasn't allowed him to enjoy his life. He's had a hand in raising two pretty decent men. He's taught me how to be a man and what I needed to do to be a productive member of society, but he hasn't always taken his own advise.
Divorce or separation is a difficult thing to swallow. Especially after 37 years. What do they do without each other? Where do they live? How do they survive on their own? Well dad anyway, being that mom does everything to maintain the house.
Wifey's parents are coming down this weekend, and I'm contemplating letting them in on what's going on with my parents, but I have a gut feeling that that isn't a good idea. I feel like they will pass judgement and look at us with even more of a superior scowl, and I just can't deal with that. I've got to act like nothings on my mind and everything is cool, not to mention Easter dinner is at my brothers house where everyone will be. I've got no idea what to do.
I don't know how to talk to my dad about these issues. I've never done it before, but I don't want him to continue living his life like this. I want him to conquer the depression and show my mom just how much he loves her, cause I do know that he does. Between what he told me to do and what I decided I wasn't going to do that I saw him do, I think I've become a pretty good husband. Damn, life's a BITCH!


Beautiful Day

Today was almost perfect outside. Sun shinning, nice breeze, and a temperature that was just right. I wish I lived somewhere this type of weather was the rule and not the exception.

It's been awhile since I've written, and I can't really explain why. Maybe, I've actually been busy? We have been doing more 'stuff' lately...not just in the house looking at each other.

Yesterday we attempted to put knobs and pulls on the cabinets in the kitchen. Our efforts are incomplete to say the least. My brother was supposed to come help today, but never made it...Today we struck out t20o the driving range, but it was gone when we got there. I was pissed, I wanted to get my golf on, guess I need to find a new spot. I'm supposed to be taking lessons before our trip in July(if I don't I'll be on the course looking completely ridiculous). Since the driving range was closed, we went to Lowes to look at BBQ grills, then had lunch, then back to Lowes to purchase a grill(the one we have was messed up). Right before the purchase of a brand new grill, I found a replacement part to fix the grill we have...$20 bucks instead of $200! Can't beat that. Came home and got busy...cleaning my car. I love for my car to be clean, but with all the work they are doing in my neighborhood, it's hard to keep clean. Washing my car is a joyous occasion. Maybe it's because I watched my dad do it? I love it...washing the outside, then the precision care for the inside, windows, and then the tires/rims(I gotta get some chrome 20inch rims). Throw a air freshener in for good measure. Priceless...

Also car related, I've got to get my damn bumper fixed! It's been over a year with that damn ding, and I can't take it anymore. Mom knows someone in Springboro, so I guess I'll check him out. Cause I know the dealership will rape me if I have them do it, hell I can't even get out of there for an oil change w/o paying $100. I hit 100k miles a couple of weeks ago and needs some maintenance done. Overall, the LS runs like a champ! I love my car, and want to keep it for as long as possible. Wait till I get them 20's on it!!! Maybe by the time we make the trip to SC in July. Gotta be fresh when you go out of town...

Joy's out of town for work tomorrow...let me go see if I can get some ;-)