Life is a BITCH! You never know what might happen. Change is the only constant, which makes for one hell of a ride. All of my life I've felt as if I was an 'old soul' as they call it. I was somehow more mature than kids my age. Guess you could say it had something to do with having a brother 10 years my senior and parents who were about 30 when they had me. Whatever way you cut it, I was always more comfortable with older people than I was with people my age...they just didn't get it and it frustrated me, cause I couldn't explain 'it' to them. Now I'm 27, and have determined that 'it' was the grown folks business other kids parents told them they had no business listening to.
When I was about 7,8,9 my parents were going thru a really tough time. My brother was almost out of the house, so my mom talked to me alot about how she was feeling. I think then is when I chose to treat my wife the exact opposite of what was going on with her and my father. He was drinking heavily, and they argued constantly. There was no affection, no kisses or hugs between them. No romance...nothing. I would follow my mother around like a lost puppy thinking that if I was by her side, somehow I could make things better. Maybe if I was right there for my father to see, he wouldn't yell at her, or break the kitchen table, or knock the pictures off the wall, or throw some shit out the door. Me being by her side obviously didn't help. My mom wasn't big on arguing with my father, so she would just take whatever bullshit he was saying and keep it moving. Shit, she had kids to raise and a house to take care of. Who's got time for bullshit.
She would talk to me about leaving. About moving to Cali where her best friend, Marsha lived. I was down for the move, my brother wasn't...so we stayed. He wanted to graduate high school at what would later be my alma mater. Things improved I guess, there was less yelling, cussing, fussing. And I was getting older and bigger. By the time I was 13 I was bigger than both my parents. At this point I really felt like I could protect my mom, if dad was tripping. Physically maybe I could have. Not emotionally. The topic of mom leaving has come up a handful of time since then. Dad's been diagnosed with Depression. He doesn't really manage well. He's still drinking and doesn't let the fucking therapist do her job. Mom's talking about leaving again. I can't tell her anything but to do what makes her happy. She's endured enough. They've been married for like 37 years. It's time for her to be happy. For someone to be unselfish enough to recognize that she is an angel. The absolute best woman in the world..hands down. No other woman is even close, and I'm sure there are some great women, but they aren't my mom.
What happens to dad if she leaves thought? He'll either lose it or come to the realization that he has to stop drinking and tackle his depression. He has to realize what he has. Dad's not a bad guy, he's just battling with some issues within himself that hasn't allowed him to enjoy his life. He's had a hand in raising two pretty decent men. He's taught me how to be a man and what I needed to do to be a productive member of society, but he hasn't always taken his own advise.
Divorce or separation is a difficult thing to swallow. Especially after 37 years. What do they do without each other? Where do they live? How do they survive on their own? Well dad anyway, being that mom does everything to maintain the house.
Wifey's parents are coming down this weekend, and I'm contemplating letting them in on what's going on with my parents, but I have a gut feeling that that isn't a good idea. I feel like they will pass judgement and look at us with even more of a superior scowl, and I just can't deal with that. I've got to act like nothings on my mind and everything is cool, not to mention Easter dinner is at my brothers house where everyone will be. I've got no idea what to do.
I don't know how to talk to my dad about these issues. I've never done it before, but I don't want him to continue living his life like this. I want him to conquer the depression and show my mom just how much he loves her, cause I do know that he does. Between what he told me to do and what I decided I wasn't going to do that I saw him do, I think I've become a pretty good husband. Damn, life's a BITCH!
6.4.07
1.4.07
Beautiful Day
Today was almost perfect outside. Sun shinning, nice breeze, and a temperature that was just right. I wish I lived somewhere this type of weather was the rule and not the exception.
It's been awhile since I've written, and I can't really explain why. Maybe, I've actually been busy? We have been doing more 'stuff' lately...not just in the house looking at each other.
Yesterday we attempted to put knobs and pulls on the cabinets in the kitchen. Our efforts are incomplete to say the least. My brother was supposed to come help today, but never made it...Today we struck out t20o the driving range, but it was gone when we got there. I was pissed, I wanted to get my golf on, guess I need to find a new spot. I'm supposed to be taking lessons before our trip in July(if I don't I'll be on the course looking completely ridiculous). Since the driving range was closed, we went to Lowes to look at BBQ grills, then had lunch, then back to Lowes to purchase a grill(the one we have was messed up). Right before the purchase of a brand new grill, I found a replacement part to fix the grill we have...$20 bucks instead of $200! Can't beat that. Came home and got busy...cleaning my car. I love for my car to be clean, but with all the work they are doing in my neighborhood, it's hard to keep clean. Washing my car is a joyous occasion. Maybe it's because I watched my dad do it? I love it...washing the outside, then the precision care for the inside, windows, and then the tires/rims(I gotta get some chrome 20inch rims). Throw a air freshener in for good measure. Priceless...
Also car related, I've got to get my damn bumper fixed! It's been over a year with that damn ding, and I can't take it anymore. Mom knows someone in Springboro, so I guess I'll check him out. Cause I know the dealership will rape me if I have them do it, hell I can't even get out of there for an oil change w/o paying $100. I hit 100k miles a couple of weeks ago and needs some maintenance done. Overall, the LS runs like a champ! I love my car, and want to keep it for as long as possible. Wait till I get them 20's on it!!! Maybe by the time we make the trip to SC in July. Gotta be fresh when you go out of town...
Joy's out of town for work tomorrow...let me go see if I can get some ;-)
It's been awhile since I've written, and I can't really explain why. Maybe, I've actually been busy? We have been doing more 'stuff' lately...not just in the house looking at each other.
Yesterday we attempted to put knobs and pulls on the cabinets in the kitchen. Our efforts are incomplete to say the least. My brother was supposed to come help today, but never made it...Today we struck out t20o the driving range, but it was gone when we got there. I was pissed, I wanted to get my golf on, guess I need to find a new spot. I'm supposed to be taking lessons before our trip in July(if I don't I'll be on the course looking completely ridiculous). Since the driving range was closed, we went to Lowes to look at BBQ grills, then had lunch, then back to Lowes to purchase a grill(the one we have was messed up). Right before the purchase of a brand new grill, I found a replacement part to fix the grill we have...$20 bucks instead of $200! Can't beat that. Came home and got busy...cleaning my car. I love for my car to be clean, but with all the work they are doing in my neighborhood, it's hard to keep clean. Washing my car is a joyous occasion. Maybe it's because I watched my dad do it? I love it...washing the outside, then the precision care for the inside, windows, and then the tires/rims(I gotta get some chrome 20inch rims). Throw a air freshener in for good measure. Priceless...
Also car related, I've got to get my damn bumper fixed! It's been over a year with that damn ding, and I can't take it anymore. Mom knows someone in Springboro, so I guess I'll check him out. Cause I know the dealership will rape me if I have them do it, hell I can't even get out of there for an oil change w/o paying $100. I hit 100k miles a couple of weeks ago and needs some maintenance done. Overall, the LS runs like a champ! I love my car, and want to keep it for as long as possible. Wait till I get them 20's on it!!! Maybe by the time we make the trip to SC in July. Gotta be fresh when you go out of town...
Joy's out of town for work tomorrow...let me go see if I can get some ;-)
25.2.07
Bedside Baptist
Mrs. Patton is at church this morning. I went a couple of weeks ago, and tried to find the message among the endless rhetoric that I didn't necessarily agree with. Religion has always been a huge question for me. Not that I don't believe that there is a God, but the terms in which she blessed the earth with all of its beautiful things and people. The logic in me says...why is the God that I believe in, in competition with all other Gods. Why if God told us to be accepting and understanding and tolerant, do we despise people who don't believe what we do. Why do we not honor thy mother and father. Why has man determined that all men are not created equal, and the people who believe that the Bible's words should be lived out here on earth allow that to happen? Why are Christian's un-accepting of gay/lesbians? Why does the Black community use a religion that was used to enslave us as their salvation? Why do the folks who attend church every Sunday think they are entitled to something I am not? Why do they act as if they are better than me?
My relationship with God is good. I pray to her and talk to her and allow her to guide me. She gives me hope, allows me to feel good about my life and the lives of my family. She allows me to be happy...to work, and play. To be healthy. I pray to her that she continues to look over me and grant me the experiences of life. I pray to her that she keep my wife healthy...make her more healthy. I ask her to keep us safe. I pray to her my hopes and dreams. My wishes for the world. For the people who have nothing. The people being killed for no reason. For the people who are poor and discarded. For the people who have no hope.
I believe, just not the way others want me to. I believe the way that works best for me. I believe in the way I think she wants me to. I believe with ideas from different places and even religions.
Wifey doesn't force her religion on me. Which I'm grateful for, and she worships and believes differently than I do. That's fine with me...in fact I like it that way! I only hope that all those people in church are praying for something other than themselves. Because if they know there is something greater, then they should know that the world is a crazy place and so many people need a prayer said for them...at least a prayer!
My relationship with God is good. I pray to her and talk to her and allow her to guide me. She gives me hope, allows me to feel good about my life and the lives of my family. She allows me to be happy...to work, and play. To be healthy. I pray to her that she continues to look over me and grant me the experiences of life. I pray to her that she keep my wife healthy...make her more healthy. I ask her to keep us safe. I pray to her my hopes and dreams. My wishes for the world. For the people who have nothing. The people being killed for no reason. For the people who are poor and discarded. For the people who have no hope.
I believe, just not the way others want me to. I believe the way that works best for me. I believe in the way I think she wants me to. I believe with ideas from different places and even religions.
Wifey doesn't force her religion on me. Which I'm grateful for, and she worships and believes differently than I do. That's fine with me...in fact I like it that way! I only hope that all those people in church are praying for something other than themselves. Because if they know there is something greater, then they should know that the world is a crazy place and so many people need a prayer said for them...at least a prayer!
10.2.07
Who wanna..............bowl?!
Today I went bowling. I like bowling, but I don't go on a regular basis. I used to bowl in a league when I was a kid, Saturdays with my boy Craige and Thurston. We may have been the only team with all of it's members being young black males. Great memories...so today I went bowling.
The first game started off rocky. At least I stuck to my M.O....unable to pick up a damn spare! So that first game was a whole lot of that with a strike mixed in to irritate me. Ended up with 168, I think.
Game 2 was worse. Oh my, was I bad. It's the ball, I said. It's these jeans that are too long, and messing up my glide to the line. It's the ball, those jeans, and the lanes...ended up with like 122.
Now I'm frustrated enought to realize I need to make some adjustments. Who would keep doing that same thing and stinking at it. So, I move over a few boards(I know those of you who bowl love that terminology) and even take a step back.
Third times a charm! I don't know what I ended up with, but it was better than the first two games. And I beat my father-in-law, who bowls on a regular basis. But was using a brand new ball. 1 for 3 isn't that bad, right?
1 more you say? Absolutely...shit, I'm trying to win another game! 198...yep, I said it. 198 a mere 4 games into my, at least 6 month lay-off. I've got the feeling now. I'm like, I should join a league. I can still do this. Eh, but who'd I bowl with. Maybe if some friends agree, or Joy.
Rubber match...I'm still feeling good. Got my board, and I'm getting consistancy in my ball placement and release. Bang. Bang. Bang. Spare. Bang. The game went a lot like that. Ended up with 203 and the most wins for the day 3 out of 5! So, back to the idea about getting in a league. Where would I bowl? Gotta get a new ball, cause I had to do too much work for that 203. If I had a ball that I liked to throw...it would be over!
The first game started off rocky. At least I stuck to my M.O....unable to pick up a damn spare! So that first game was a whole lot of that with a strike mixed in to irritate me. Ended up with 168, I think.
Game 2 was worse. Oh my, was I bad. It's the ball, I said. It's these jeans that are too long, and messing up my glide to the line. It's the ball, those jeans, and the lanes...ended up with like 122.
Now I'm frustrated enought to realize I need to make some adjustments. Who would keep doing that same thing and stinking at it. So, I move over a few boards(I know those of you who bowl love that terminology) and even take a step back.
Third times a charm! I don't know what I ended up with, but it was better than the first two games. And I beat my father-in-law, who bowls on a regular basis. But was using a brand new ball. 1 for 3 isn't that bad, right?
1 more you say? Absolutely...shit, I'm trying to win another game! 198...yep, I said it. 198 a mere 4 games into my, at least 6 month lay-off. I've got the feeling now. I'm like, I should join a league. I can still do this. Eh, but who'd I bowl with. Maybe if some friends agree, or Joy.
Rubber match...I'm still feeling good. Got my board, and I'm getting consistancy in my ball placement and release. Bang. Bang. Bang. Spare. Bang. The game went a lot like that. Ended up with 203 and the most wins for the day 3 out of 5! So, back to the idea about getting in a league. Where would I bowl? Gotta get a new ball, cause I had to do too much work for that 203. If I had a ball that I liked to throw...it would be over!
6.2.07
Did I mention, I live in Cincinnati
So, today it snowed. 3-4 inches maybe. Nothing major really, but the damn city is completetly incapable of handling any type of snow. Work let us leave early, as most employer's did. That didn't help. Traffic was still a crawl....a slow crawl. Not a salt truck in sight! Took me about 2 hrs to go 6 miles.
I get stuck on the way home, coming up the hill. A cop comes up and pushes my car up the hill. I get stuck again. This time no cop. Wifey came to the rescue with her co-workers and picked me up(man, I've got to get a truck)!
No problem, right? Just call AAA and they'll tow you home. Just got to wait a few hrs on a night like tonight. Um...come to find out, AAA can't do shit for me. After waiting patiently they call and say they can't even make it up the hill! Ask if I can walk to the car, and if I could all they could do was get me off the street. So, you're serving me how? Your purpose is what?
Hopefully my car is in one piece in the morning, and I can get it to the house...I'm praying!
I get stuck on the way home, coming up the hill. A cop comes up and pushes my car up the hill. I get stuck again. This time no cop. Wifey came to the rescue with her co-workers and picked me up(man, I've got to get a truck)!
No problem, right? Just call AAA and they'll tow you home. Just got to wait a few hrs on a night like tonight. Um...come to find out, AAA can't do shit for me. After waiting patiently they call and say they can't even make it up the hill! Ask if I can walk to the car, and if I could all they could do was get me off the street. So, you're serving me how? Your purpose is what?
Hopefully my car is in one piece in the morning, and I can get it to the house...I'm praying!
5.2.07
It's COLD
Today was the coldest I remember it being in a looong time. I can usually handle the normal conditions, but today...it was COLD. Now maybe I know why my wife questions me about my ideas on moving to Chicago.
She's found out(so she says) that someone at work has a crush on her. I think it's great that other people find some type of beauty in her. I think I like it even more because it makes her feel good. She came home today with that 'I know I'm the shit' swagger.
I'm on the way home listening to the new Mos Def(true magic) for the first time where I could really turn the volume up and listen. Dude is unbelievably good! One of the better albums I've heard in awhile. It will definitely be in the rotation with some regularity. Oh, and dude's CD packaging is CRAZY. A clear plastic case and his CD. Nothing else. No art work, no linear notes, nothing...case and cd. After all, that's really all you need isn't it?
She's found out(so she says) that someone at work has a crush on her. I think it's great that other people find some type of beauty in her. I think I like it even more because it makes her feel good. She came home today with that 'I know I'm the shit' swagger.
I'm on the way home listening to the new Mos Def(true magic) for the first time where I could really turn the volume up and listen. Dude is unbelievably good! One of the better albums I've heard in awhile. It will definitely be in the rotation with some regularity. Oh, and dude's CD packaging is CRAZY. A clear plastic case and his CD. Nothing else. No art work, no linear notes, nothing...case and cd. After all, that's really all you need isn't it?
28.1.07
Tiger
So, it's Sunday afternoon and there is no football on...Gotta watch Tiger win what seems like his 100Th in a row. Man, I wish I was that good at something! This time of day had been reserved for a little oochie coochie with the wife, but our streak of two straight weekends is looking like it may come to an end :-(
She not horny yet...I'll see what I can do about that.
This is my first blog, and it feel wonderful. Having the ability to express what I feel, at any given moment, for everyone to see....fantastic! I hope to become a frequent user and establish a relationship with some of you. Let's see how this first one goes before I make any promises.
She not horny yet...I'll see what I can do about that.
This is my first blog, and it feel wonderful. Having the ability to express what I feel, at any given moment, for everyone to see....fantastic! I hope to become a frequent user and establish a relationship with some of you. Let's see how this first one goes before I make any promises.
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